January 2018 – My Mom is the Worst

Growing Up Made Me Ashamed to Relax

We’ve got responsibilities. We’ve got bills. We’ve got goals. We’re adults now. But really, we’re also just horrible at pausing and seizing the day.

For most of us there is always a to-do list. We are always thinking about what’s next.

But some times life hands you a 90 degree day in January and you just can’t ignore that kind of gift.

Except we do. All the time. Because, life.

We’ve got responsibilities. We’ve got bills. We’ve got goals. We’re adults now. But really, we’re also just horrible at pausing and seizing the day. I’m preaching to myself here, but honestly, probably you as well.

Toward the end of both of my pregnancies I have been reminded of this. I have a to-do list and I work feverishly to complete it because I know there is a huge productivity wasteland coming at me in the near future. And then all the boxes get checked.

But each time I’ve reached forty weeks pregnant, neither of my babies have arrived. So I have some unaccounted for time. I am forced to remember what I used to do for pure pleasure before I was a grown-up. Ummmmm?! What?! But then it starts to slowly come back to me…hang out with friends…do something creative, like drawing a picture…go to the beach!

Lifes a beach bag — This Beach Bag was given to me on the last day of my position at a corporate marketing company. I think they assumed I would use my new “free time” at the beach. Today was the first time it’s been used.

So that’s kind of what I’ve been up to this last week.

The productive adult in me is embarrassed to admit it. I feel the need to mention the admirable, grown-up things I’ve done this week (attend a children’s book writing class, write query letters to agents, track stats and book sales) so you don’t think less of me. But honestly, doing things just for fun has been super strange, and super fulfilling.

I’ve gone to a chick flick at the theater (who knew movies were only $6 if you go at 11 am?!), I’ve done some pencil drawings in my sketch book, and another preggo mama and I spent three hours at a cozy little spot in Laguna Beach chatting with the sand between our toes on a beautiful 90 degree day in January.

Mermaid chubby Baby twins

It’s like my Baby Girl is already forcing me to mentally slow down and be present and grateful for the moment in front of me, a skill that surely does not come naturally as an adult.

Watch out world, she already wants to be in charge.

pregnant laguna beach 1 (1) — Um, Do I look fat in this? 😉 41 wks. baked.

Super Preggo Ladies, Could You Just Relax?

Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?

Here’s a recipe for an internet disaster: Tell a bunch of tired and hormonal women to RELAX already.

But I can’t. I literally can not hear another women complain about needing her baby out NOW without adding another perspective.

pregnant mom 2 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Note: If you are a nurse or a well meaning friend or family member – please don’t add to that notion either. Help these women relax! Buy them ice cream, rub their feet, but don’t make them feel like their baby NEEDS to come out now.

pregnant mom 1 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

This P.S.A. is coming from someone that is currently “past due” by almost a week, so I’m in the trenches too. But not for a second will I be fooled that I can’t wait a few more days for my baby to arrive. Passing your due date is not a reason to panic. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with your body or your baby. You don’t need to start planning your induction the second you reach your last month of pregnancy. I mean, your baby WILL arrive. I have never heard of one baby that grew up and graduated in their mother’s womb.

pregnant mom 5 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Don’t get too caught up in the labor signs either. Some of us have Braxton Hicks and start dilating weeks before baby makes an appearance. Some of us go from 0-10 cm dilated in less than twenty four hours with no prior labor signs. Neither is right or wrong. Our bodies are unique. Our babies are unique. Relax mamas-to-be. You are almost there. Your baby will arrive any day now.

pregnant mom 4 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Trust me, I get it, you are uncomfortable right now. Your ankles may be swollen, your skin may be tight and itchy, you can’t find a comfortable sleeping position. That’s all real.

But I hate to break it to you, you aren’t going to be comfortable for awhile.

If you’ve never been through it or in case you’ve forgotten, once baby arrives, your body is still not the one you are longing to return to for awhile. The unglamorous truth is that your body will be bleeding for a few weeks afterwards, statistically you’ll probably be recovering from stitches (vaginally or a c-section), and you still won’t be getting any sleep.

pregnant mom 3 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Sure you won’t be waking up to pee and reposition every few hours; instead it will be to soothe and feed a crying baby. Your boobs will be huge, leaky, and overly sensitive. Your mind won’t be able to shut off because you have a newborn to check on.

I’m not saying this to scare you. I’m just honestly wondering, do those sound like great alternatives to rush through the last days of your pregnancy?

pregnant mom 6 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Personally, I am in no rush. Baby will come, and I will be thrilled when she does. In the meantime, I am trying to relax, even in my super preggo body. Because relaxing and thinking in concise thoughts is something the newborn stage doesn’t often afford.

Have you read Love You to Pieces, Beautiful Monster or My Mom is the Worst? These children’s books offer a good laugh to a tired parent, and make a great gift. Check them out here.

JK Coy Books

For the women on the other side of pregnancy: Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?

Did You Ask Your Toddler if They Wanted a Sibling?

Of course no parent actually calls it a demotion. We tell them how lucky they are to be the older siblings, the big brother or sister, our big helper. But I’m sure in their little hearts it has got to sting a little.

I was the baby in the family. I never had my parents full attention.

I was born in to the notion of sharing it whether I liked it or not. And even though it was all I knew, it was still hard for me as a child. My parents said I always wanted their attention. Apparently I did this thing where I grabbed my mother’s face and made her look me in the eye when I wanted to talk to her.

I’d say, “Listen to me Mama.”

I felt like she was distracted by everything. And she probably was. She was caring for the two other tiny humans, the two brothers that came before me. I can only imagine it must have been a bit traumatic for each of my brothers when a new sibling entered their world and they received a bit of a demotion.

Our second daughter is due any day now. Our first daughter isn’t even 23 months yet, and it’s like she can sense that her world is about to change. She has gotten more emotional, and has become a mama’s girl in the last few weeks. And while I think our first born is going to make a fantastic big sister, I’m sure it’s going to be confusing that she has to share her mommy and daddy for the first time.

Just like she will be adjusting to life with a sibling, I’ll be adjusting to being a mother of two. I am trying to soak up these last nights of rocking her to sleep as my only child, my first baby, the one that taught me everything about being a Mom.

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To My First Born

Life is about to change, and it’s like you can sense it.

We lovingly refer to you as THE BEST.

But in just days you’ll be our OTHER BEST.

It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be different.

You were happy just as things were.

“Why would Mom and Dad try to replace me?”

Of course, we never were.

But some of the things we did for you last week, you’ll now be asked to do on your own.

And some of your hugs and kisses, will be reserved for a baby not yet grown.

So before life gets crazy, I’m soaking in these last nights rocking you to sleep as my only.

You’re the one who taught me everything about being a Mom.

And that will always be our special bond.

***Love you Baby Girl. You’re THE BEST.

Open Letter from an Honest Parent; I’m Losing My Marbles

When will they sleep? When will they grow out of this stage? Where did they learn that? When will they grow up? Where did that attitude come from?

I am a parent. I get tired. I get frustrated. I complain. Daily. The hours can feel so long.

I mean, I write children’s books about how crazy my child makes me and blog on a website called MyMomistheWorst.com, all of which I wholeheartedly stand behind.

I wanted to create a place for parents to say “I’m struggling every day. Anyone with me?” But I also want to remember –

I am a parent. I love my child. She cracks me up. She brings me joy every day.

My husband and I attended a parenting conference this weekend. He absolutely loves when I sign him up for this kind of thing.

But I know we both gained some valuable insight. One of the analogies that has stuck with me this week is the idea of bringing home a jar full of marbles (936 to be exact) with your newborn.

jar of marbles

Every week, sometimes it feels like every hour, we run in to parenting situations that make us feel like we are literally losing our marbles.

When will they sleep? When will they grow out of this stage? Where did they learn that? When will they grow up? Where did that attitude come from?

But we are literally losing our marbles. Each marble represents a week that we get with our child before they leave home at eighteen (give or take a few marbles). With each week we lose one more opportunity to influence, to love, and to mold our children.

The analogy reminds me that the time with my child is not infinite. Though, the hours can certainly feel that way. It is human and honest to admit my child is driving me crazy. I just don’t want to let myself forget to value the chaos and memories we have together now.

Like a wise children’s book once said…

“Everyday you make me crazy. I love you to pieces. Beautiful Monster.”

How to Love Your Maternity Pants, Then Return Them for A Smaller Size

So why am I raving about pants that aren’t even mine, that I plan to wear to the max, and that I’m going to return?

I’m in love with my pants. Hands down they are the most comfortable thing I’ve worn, pregnant or not. The weird thing is, they aren’t mine. Even weirder, I intend to return them.

I’ve worn them three days in a row now and I plan to wear them every day until Baby Two arrives, and probably for a week or two after that. Then, back they go. No point in keeping them since I’ll soon be out of maternity sizes.

Le Tote Maternity — My Current Obsession: These Pants!

So why am I raving about pants that aren’t even mine, that I plan to wear to the max, and that I’m going to return?

It’s because over three years ago I joined a rent and return clothing exchange called Le Tote. I initially joined long before I was pregnant, but now this service has carried me through two pregnancies, and all the time in between. Weddings, interviews, casual days, parties, business meetings, trends I wasn’t sure I could pull off, trends I didn’t want to commit to, a growing belly, a shrinking belly – the service has been there with me through it all.

For the first two trimesters I can typically craft something together to wear – a rubber band to give me more room on your pants button, a flowy dress, or leggings and a long shirt – but by that third trimester it starts getting really iffy. That’s when I switch from the regular Tote Box to the Maternity Box for a few months.

Pregnant or Not, Here’s How the Service Works:

Sign up for Le Tote here, and get your first BOX FREE!
Fill out a style profile.
Sign up for a monthly plan (cancel at any time). When I’m not pregnant I do the five piece box (three clothing items/two accessories). When I’m pregnant I do the Maternity Box with three pieces (two clothing items/one accessory). They have plenty of name brands to pick from – Lucky, Kate Spade, Jessica Simpson, Vince Camuto, Calvin Klein, etc. and accessories include jewelry, scarfs, and handbags!
Le Tote curates the shipment for you based on style preference, fit, time of year – and then you have 48 hrs. before they ship it to go in to your account and swap items if you want. *I do this almost every time because I usually have an event coming up that I want specific items for.
Your Tote clothing arrives in the mail with a preprinted mailer for your free return shipment.
Wear the items as long as you want (you don’t even have to wash them before you return them), and drop them in the mail. If it’s during the same month, you get to pick more clothes without paying anything else. I typically get three boxes a month for one monthly fee. Ladies, that’s like 15 items for about $60 a month! Plus you can add insurance for five bucks a month in case anything happens to the clothes. Mother’s of little ones, it’s worth the peace of mind.
If you ever want to keep items – they offer awesome discounts off the retail price. But don’t feel like you have to. The premise is wear, return, repeat!

Hoping you find some clothes that make you as happy as my cozy pants make me. Everyone deserves to love their pants and everything else in their closet!

Other Recent le Totes

A Solid Productivity Tip from the 1980’s

Do you remember when you were a kid and your 1980’s Nintendo started freaking out for some unknown reason. You would just hit that reset button multiple times until it finally worked out its kinks. That’s exactly what I needed, a reset.

I started this morning on the wrong page.

I logged in to my January sales numbers and was not excited by what I saw. Effort and sales were not matching my expectations. It made me freeze up. It made me question myself. It started a negative reel in my head. And negative thinking is a slippery slope. It breeds self doubt.

After an hour I noticed I was sitting in the same spot, getting no where, just feeling worse than before. Do you remember when you were a kid and your 1980’s Nintendo started freaking out for some unknown reason. You would just hit that reset button multiple times until it finally worked out its kinks. That’s exactly what I needed, a reset.

old school nintendo — Neil Godwin | GamesMaster Magazine | Getty Images

So I finally pulled my butt out of the desk chair, got away from my computer, and decided to actively participate in a reset with an easy fifteen minute workout.

Here are some “resets” that typically work well…

Positve Thinking tip

A Workout: Sometimes this means a really good sweat session if time allows. Other times it means getting away from the screen and just committing to moving. When I used to work in an office this would often take shape in a walk around the complex to clear my head. Now that I work from home, it often means walking the dog, or grabbing the pair of 10 lb. weights I keep in my office and setting my phone timer for 15 minutes. Other times it is just stretching. Ideas seem to come to me more clearly when my body is active.

Ideas On A Page: Walk away from the computer and go old school (as old school as that 1980’s Nintendo I referenced). Grab PAPER and a PEN. Weird, I know. Spend five minutes jotting down a list of all the things you could do next to get to your big goal (Your sales quota, the next meeting you are trying to get, the blog traffic goal you set, the promotion you are going after). All ideas are fair game. After the five minutes are up, reread your list. What is the ONE THING on that list that will have the biggest impact on reaching that big goal in the long run? You know which one it is, even if it’s not the one you feel like doing. That’s the one you must do next. Stop rereading the list looking for an out. Get to work on THE ONE.

Gratitude: When I seriously can’t get a grip on my negative thoughts, I have to force myself to pause and think of somethings I am grateful for. This morning my list included: I get to work from home right now, my efforts today will continue to pay off in the future in ways I cannot see yet, and that I live in a place where “winter” means sixty degree weather on a rough day. Gratitude can also manifest in what we do for others. Pause your negative track long enough to write someone an encouraging note, or grab a coffee for your childcare provider, and see how you feel afterwards!

My fifteen minute workout actually ended up being a five minute workout and a ten minute dance party. My dog told me I looked ridiculous. And I did. But I was also in a much better head space by the time I finished.

It might be hard to start a full on dance party at the office, but one of these other tips should do the trick to reset your thinking.

Otherwise a conga line is always worth a try.

How to Become a Millionaire, Even If You Are Still Trying to Master Facebook Ads

Who knew coming to a children’s book website was going to make you a millionaire and save you thousands?!

Numbers never came easy for me. My math grades consistently weighed me down throughout the years. But as I grew up, I’ve become fascinated by what math can do. I

think I first got into it when I learned about compound interest while reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, around the same time I was starting my first “real job” as a mortgage loan officer.

As soon as I found out there were simple formulas for things like becoming a millionaire (hint: the earlier you start saving in a 401k the less you have to put in later to become a millionaire – more on that here)

Start investing early — Assuming a 12% interest rate, photo cred. @DaveRamsey.com

and paying off your mortgage seven years early (don’t pay a company for this advice – the trick is taking one of your monthly Principal and Interest Payments, dividing it by 12, and adding that to your monthly payment so you have essentially made one extra payment per year). You will save THOUSANDS in interest.

Who knew coming to a children’s book website was going to make you a millionaire and save you thousands?! You can now spare a few bucks to check out my children’s books, and maybe even send a set to a friend. ***Hey I’m about to have another baby and you don’t get maternity pay when you are self employed, so I can’t be above shameless self promotion.***

Anyways, today I wanted to share some other numbers with you. They are the metrics behind the Facebook ads I’ve been placing (you can follow me on Facebook @StoriesbyJKCoy). As marketers we know social media advertising is important, but it can become overwhelming and difficult to know if our spending is moving the needle. Hopefully these will give you a point of comparison for your own social media marketing efforts.

There are so many metrics that can be tracked, and I am still learning. I’m also experimenting with Amazon ads, so expect future posts on that. But today I am going to throw out where my different Facebook ad types are bench-marking.

Below are results for the last 45 days. That is around the time I published my second children’s book (My Mom is the Worst), launched this website, and have gotten more focused on testing and tracking my marketing efforts. I am going to refer to everything at Cost Per Click (CPC). Facebook sometimes refers to these metrics as Cost Per Result because some ads have different goals: getting viewers to watch a video, leave a comment, like a fan page, visit a website, sign up for an event, etc.)

1. Traffic (Blog): 5 ads, $0.12 CPC Avg., $0.05-$0.38 CPC Range

2. Post Engagements (Comments/Shares/etc.): 3 ads, $0.06 CPC Avg., $0.04-$0.16 CPC Range

3. Facebook Fan Page Likes: 2 ads, $0.59 CPC Avg., $0.40-$1.80 CPC Range

Engagement is good. Engagement creates a relationship with customers. It creates fans, and raving fans are happy to market for you even when you aren’t around. So for that, I am pumped to be able to drive a potential fan to this blog to read about a topic that connects with them for $0.12.

But as I said, maternity leave is just around the corner, and we gotta keep a roof over our heads. So, I need to know how this all equates to book sales. Sign up to follow the blog to get email updates as soon as I hit publish on the next marketing results post.

And be sure to add Love You to Pieces Beautiful Monster and My Mom is the Worst to your book collection. (Yep, I’m still trying to fund that maternity leave. The more books I sell, the longer my husband will let me stay home. Kidding….maybe…).

$$$ Remember the thousands I saved you, you awesome little millionaire?!:) $$$

Feel free to let me know how your own Facebook Ad CPC’s compare, and whether you have seen a direct impact on your sales, in the comments. I appreciate your vulnerability. We can all stand to learn from each other.

Keeping Your Mind From Fearing Birth During Those Final Weeks

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day. They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward. That should be illegal.

Watch out! It’s officially birth month. Something pretty large is exiting my body soon whether I like it or not.

40wks birth — Insta Photo Cred @mayavorderstrasse

My due date is Jan. 23rd. So I’m currently 38.5 wks. pregnant. Some might say baby is due any day. Which is possible. But really anytime between Jan. 9th and Feb. 6th should be considered “ordinary” since due dates are an approximation and two weeks “early” or “late” is the normal window in which your body is likely to go in to labor.

In fact, according to Glow’s Nurture Pregnancy App. 95% of babies aren’t born on their due dates. Just 25% of babies come “early” and 70% of babies come “late.”

So, that said, I am just over here trying to keep my cool and enjoy these final weeks before a tiny dictator becomes the center of my universe.

The last couple of weeks I have shared resources I used to educate myself on birth, why I chose a natural birth, the natural hospital birth story of my first daughter, and today I’m sharing my thoughts on how I’m dealing with the idea of experiencing birth for the second time around – very, very soon.

In reality I am excited and nervous at the same time. Birth is like a beautiful body and mind *ss kicking that can sneak up on you at any moment. So psychologically, that’s a blast.

I’ve been trying to stay healthy, positive, and busy to avoid getting stuck in my own head. Birth will happen in its own time, so in the meantime, here is how I’m keeping my mind from fearing birth during these final weeks…

Fearing Birth

Staying Active: I don’t feel quite as strong, or as active, as my first pregnancy, but I’m still making a decent effort. I’m stretching, doing short (15-20 min.) body weight to 10 lb. weight workouts, and walking. The better shape I keep my body in, the more likely it will be ready to be my teammate in labor.
Relaxing: My bubble bath habits have gotten a bit out of control. Between finishing our master bath remodel and my baby belly growing much faster this time around, baths happen almost every other night. I am not a big t.v. watcher, so the tub is likely where you’ll find me after 8 pm. I also like to get massages. I didn’t enjoy some of the wimpy prenatal massages I received with the first pregnancy. So now that I am in the “birth month” window, I feel comfortable getting a firm massage again, with no fear of it setting me in to labor. At this point, baby is developed. Plus I feel like this aligns my spine and pelvis, which is helpful for baby’s exit strategy.
Checking Things Off My To-Do List: Some of the things are rational, and I really would like to accomplish them before baby arrives: washing the infant car seat that have been in the dusty garage for a year, setting up some book marketing efforts for my children’s books that can run in the background, girl time with my friends. But other silly things just get added on when I start to panic that I will never have free time again – like washing the living room curtains, transplanting my succulents, and filing every piece of paperwork in my house.
Adulting – When you start to think about creating new life, you also start thinking about how you need to get your ducks in a row. With the first baby, our adulting goal was to pay off the remainder of our hefty student loans before our daughter was born. We managed to pay them off the month she was born, except the joke was on us when her monthly daycare and diaper bills ate up all the money we thought we were going to be savings. Kids are fun. This time around, our adulting goal was to write a will. We managed to finish it, but are waiting to file it until we have a name and birth date for Baby Two. But, at least we now have it on paper, and know what each of our wishes are, if needed.
Filling My Head With Positive Thoughts: Is child birth going to hurt? Yup. Am I going to have to try to push through that to have the birth I want? Yup. Is it going to be a walk in the park? Nope. And even with my best intentions, plenty of unforeseen things could still come up. But, having no plan, is like planning to fail. So, I’m filling my head with positive birth stories through the resources I mentioned here, and leaving the rest to the higher power at be.

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day. They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward. That should be illegal.

A Pampering Birth

Unless they now paint my toe nails and tell me I’m pretty during labor, leave chocolates on my pillow during turn down service, and my girly parts feel relaxed and rejuvenated when I go how with my newborn two days later, a pampering experience is a slight overstatement.

I’ll report back in a few weeks and let you know how that pampering experience played out.

***I’M CRACKING MYSELF UP OVER HERE***

Why are Positive Birth Stories Like Rare Unicorns?

Does that mean I am going to tell you that birth is glamorous, something I’d chose to do for fun, or pain free? I wish. Really, I do. I have to do it again myself in just a few weeks

Not everyone wants a natural childbirth. DUH, I get it.

But I’m confident that every mother wants a positive birth experience. The funny thing is, most of us aren’t exposed to many, if ANY, positive birth stories before we have to give birth ourselves.

Either we assume they don’t exist because of how the media portrays birth, or because people are so damn eager to share their horror stories, or because it’s just not the norm.

So I wanted to share my birth story, as a point of positive reference.

Does that mean I am going to tell you that birth is glamorous, something I’d chose to do for fun, or pain free? I wish. Really, I do. I have to do it again myself in just a few weeks (Subscribe to follow this blog and get an update when the final part of the story is added: How I feel About Birth the Second Time Around). But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be a positive, empowering experience when you look back on it.

So here we go, the Birth Story of a Mother, a Father, and a Baby. Because that is the thing, you birth a baby and a new identity for yourself and your significant other, all at the same time. Crazy to think about, right?!

At 33 yrs. old I finally felt like I had traveled, learned, and self indulged long enough, that I was ready for a child. Fortunately my husband was also far beyond his college party days, willingly going to bed by 10pm., and was also on board with the baby idea.

After four months of trying, I took three pregnancy tests the day before Father’s Day and confirmed I was in fact, with child. Why three tests? I messed up the first one by not reading the directions (yup, it can be more complicated than peeing on a stick, for some brands myou have to remove the cover;), the second was a false negative, and the third was a winner!

baby 8.14.15

Once we found out we were pregnant I started down the traditional health care path. I picked an OB-GYN, and as it turned out, I really liked her. She was younger, active, and had two young kids. I had no issues.

But the more I learned about birth in the U.S. (read Part One here: Natural Child Birth Sounds Insane, but You’re Still Curious: Six Resources to Consider) the more I started to think about natural birth. Honestly, I wasn’t 100% convinced I wanted to go that route, but once I found out that there was a midwife that could deliver at my hospital, I switched to her care at 33 wks. I figured it was my best chance of receiving the coaching and attention I felt I would need to achieve the birth I wanted (read Part 2 here: Why Natural Birth Trumped America’s Other Options)

I felt good during the third trimester and continued to stay as active as possible. I gave up running around 32 wks, but was still playing tennis, walking, doing light weights, and a little Zumba.

I went in for an appointment at 40 wks. + 3 days. I wasn’t dilated a bit. But, I figured my baby and body knew what to do when, so I wasn’t too worried. Then the midwife started discussing inserting a balloon to start dilation. I was not excited. She said she would give me a few more days.

At 40 wks. + 5 days, I went to Zumba. I had finished everything on my to-do list, so I decided to layout by the pool. That was noon on Leap Day, The one day my husband told me not to have the baby. I felt what I thought may be the start of contractions, but I decided to relax and see.

By 6pm. when my husband came home from work, I told him I thought I was in labor. Since contractions were still far enough a part, I decided to go to sleep around 9 pm. After an hour they were getting stronger and closer and I started tracking them with an app. I got up, took a bath, packed my bag, paced the house, sat on the exercise ball, and used a heating pad on my back. By 5 am, or so, we texted the midwife to let her know I was in labor. We left the house about 6:15 am, arriving at the hospital by 6:30 am. When I walked in they said I seemed to calm to be in labor. Ha, I didn’t feel calm. I was in pain and just trying to deal with it internally!

When they checked me at 7:15 am, they asked if I wanted an epidural. I said, that depends, how far along am I? I was at 5 cm. I decided to press on.

Once I got in to my hospital room, I was able to pace around the room and lean on various furniture, or my husband, for support when the contractions hit. Once the midwife arrived she applied counter pressure on my back during each contraction. She told me I could try out the labor tub at 8:45 am. At this hospital you could labor in it until your water broke and then you had to get out because of increased risk of infection.

labor pains

By that point contractions were very intense. I was groaning as I could feel the baby moving down with every contraction, and the pressure and intensity building. Honestly I don’t know if I was totally coherent at that point. I was just trying to block everything out.

I do remember that I was no longer a sweet pregnant woman by the time my midwife told me that I needed to get out of the tub so that she could check me (9:50 am). I was more of a barbaric, naked, grunting beast. She said the sounds of my groans had changed, and it was a signal that my body was likely ready to push.

Pretty sure I could have pierced her heart with the daggers my eyes wanted to throw at her in that moment, except that would have taken too much energy and coordination, which I didn’t have at that moment.

Some how I exited the tub and they checked me . Apparently my water broke when they checked me, and I was 10 cm (10:20 am). I was ready to push.

I had imagined that I would want to push standing up, with the help of gravity working with me. But once I was on that bed to get checked, there was no way I was moving. By that point contractions were off the charts, I was screaming and squeezing my husband’s hand, and my body was starting to involuntarily push. Instead I chose a side position, biting a towel, with one of my legs propped up on a push bar for leverage.

Eventually I was told that the high pitched screams weren’t helping anything. Plus, I started to worry that I was scaring the laboring mother in the next room. My midwife suggested that I use low groans, then hold my breath and use the power to push my baby out.

They told me they could see the baby’s head. I figured they were just trying to humor me at that point. They asked if I wanted a mirror so that I could see for myself. I declined. I don’t like medical stuff, there was no way I wanted to see what was going on down there while I was in the middle of it. Some people say the pushing phase feels good after the pain of contractions. That was not my case. The amount of pressure down there felt scary. To be a bit graphic, I felt like I was tearing in half.

But here is the crazy thing. Through all of this, asking for an epidural never crossed my mind. With the constant attention and affirming coaching from my husband and midwife, I felt convinced that this was all normal. This was how birth was supposed to progress. I could just get through it one moment at a time. My body was not broken. I did not need a doctor to fix me. What I needed was a calm environment. Love and support, gentle coaching to try new things (positions, breathing, etc.), and a belief in myself.

But had someone been in my ear asking if I wanted an epidural, or left me alone with my fears, I probably would have cracked.

After pushing for 45 min. the head started to emerge. I was ready for all this fun to be over. During the next contraction I pushed with all my might and the head and the body slide out at 11:08 am. My midwife and husband were there to catch the baby. She was perfect.

I couldn’t believe it. The pain was over. The pain had a purpose. The pain told my body what to do. And that purpose was now in my arms.

I had some tearing, so I had to wait until I delivered the placenta and got stitched up, before I finally got to be left alone between my legs. But once I was, it was awesome. I wasn’t attached to anything. I could freely move and bond with my daughter, soaking up those first few hours as a new little family.

I was pretty damn proud of the birth my daughter and I just achieved together.

Our first amazing adventure, on day one.

Baby Kisses

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So, the big question. Would I do it again? Yup. That’s the plan.

Subscribe to follow this blog and get an update when Part Four of the story is added: How I feel About Birth the Second Time Around.

Want something else fun to read? Check out my collection of loving and sarcastic children’s books (Love You to Pieces Beautiful Monster and My Mom is the Worst).

And, If you have your own positive birth story online (Natural, Medicated, or C-Section), please share a link in the comments below so that we can collect other examples of positive stories. Thanks!

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The Difference a Year Makes in Your Postpartum Journey

I probably should have listened to my heart and bought a cupcake and a candle, and sang her Happy Birthday at home. Not like she would have been scarred. She was ONE.

I bought these decorations for my daughter’s first birthday. A party I really didn’t want to throw.

Working on Party Set-up. Making tassels, blowing up balloons, trying to stay cool.

I probably should have listened to my heart and just bought a cupcake and a candle, and sang her Happy Birthday at home. Not like she would have been scarred. She was ONE.

But I guess I got sucked in to the mom life. I was a year in to motherhood, and while many things had improved since the newborn days, I was still working a full-time corporate job, marketing my children’s book: Love You to Pieces Beautiful Monster,

Amazon#1spot — Love You to Pieces Beautiful Monster, Amazon #1 Spot

pumping and breast feeding, figuring out my new role as a mom while trying to stay true to myself, and struggling to release anxiety and get back to my generally chill demeanor.

The party ended up being kind of a bummer. It was at a park on an unreasonably hot day, I was stressing about the party set-up and decorations, the fact that there was an event going on at the park thus there was ZERO parking, and the fact that the cute donuts I ordered tasted like bland rocks. That was March.

Fast forward to this weekend. My great aunt helped me throw an intimate get together to celebrate Baby Two. We did a girls night in spa party with a Let’s Pamper Before the Pampers theme.

Unfortunately I failed and totally forgot to snap some pictures of everything set-up, but I took a few the following day before cleaning up.

It was such a fun and relaxing night. We all wore our pj’s, laughed at our ridiculous face masks, enjoyed exfoliating hand scrub, binged on a dessert bar, and got to enjoy some kid-free hours chatting together.

Spa party, baby shower, DIY decor

Most of the decorations were reused from that first birthday party back in March. I was so excited to use them for a second time around. It made me notice how far I’ve come since then. I felt happy, relaxed, light-hearted, and chill at this party:)

I knew back then that I wasn’t my old self yet, but I didn’t know how long it would take. See, I actually love throwing parties. I just couldn’t handle it then. That’s how I knew things weren’t right.

She was by far the best thing about her first birthday party!

I had no hindsight at that point. I was just going through the motions, hoping that at some point things would shift. And they did. I just needed to give myself grace during the season I was in.

Want to throw your own relaxing DIY Spa Party? Here’s how!

Spa party, baby shower, DIY

Set the Mood (Atmosphere): reused tassels and signs decorations I already had, cut roses from my front yard and placed them in white dollar store vases, lite a Eucalyptus Mint Candle from World Market, turned on a relaxing playlist on Spotify, and used a difuser with Eucalyptus essential oil.

Spa party, baby shower, DIY decor 2

Set the Table (Menu): vanilla ice cream with a candy toppings bar, birthday party popcorn, fruit and donut kebabs, infused lemon and grapefruit spa water, pink fizzy champagne punch

Now Relax (Spa and Party Details): Store bought face masks, DIY Sugar Scrub, Warm Eucalyptus towels in the crockpot (tip: I used 15 towels, 4 cups water, 20 drops essential oils on warm setting), adult henna coloring pages, mini banana bread loaves for a party favor (tip: one big loaf equated to four mini loaves – mini loaves cooked 40 min at 350 degrees), and A Freezer Meal Pool where guests could sponsor one of the twenty-two freezer meals we prepped last week – more details here.

For $10 guests could pick a meal and leave an encouraging card for us to read on the day we eat “their” freezer meal. Easy for guests to play, and it really helped reduce the extra $230 we spent on groceries this month to stock the freezer.