Failing and Laughing, Learning to be a New Parent

It was like my little human had turned in to a boss I couldn’t please, always yelling, “FASTER!” or “Not good enough Mama.”

 

bmpicFrom the moment I came home from the hospital, I felt like something was missing.

I was given a perfect little human, but no extra set of hands. And my perfect little human wanted to be held ALL THE TIME.

It didn’t take long before the resentment crept in. All I wanted was to take a shower, clean-up, cook something, rest.  But now I wasn’t even capable of brushing my teeth without getting screamed at.  It was like my little human had turned in to a boss I couldn’t please, always yelling, “FASTER!”  or “Not good enough Mama.”

Just a few weeks prior I was a highly functioning adult in the corporate world, making things happen. Now remedial tasks were crippling.

This drove my sleep deprived self in to a crazy self-loathing state. I like to say I wasn’t fully depressed because I didn’t take drugs to heal it, but that was a lie I used to try to feel better about myself.  I felt bad for not getting anything done.  And I felt incapable of managing things I used to do with ease.

Very slowly I did adjust to my new world and I started to enjoy Motherhood more. I still didn’t love myself, and all my new glaring inabilities, but the never-ending love I felt for my baby was there.

And one day, when my perfect human was about three months old, I got the blessing of her falling asleep in the car at the gas station. I finally had two hands free.  I was instantly inspired.  My brain felt so clear and focused for the first time in forever.

I began to jot down the parental tale that had been swarming around in my head since my human arrived.

“Every day you make me crazy. I love you to pieces Beautiful Monster.”

The rest of the story just flowed from there.

She even slept long enough for me to sketch out a picture of a little monster.

That night I shared the story with my husband. He lovingly said I should publish it.  It could have been an encouraging yet fleeting comment, but I decided he was right.

How many other new parents were feeling like we were? How many people were sharing social media posts of their perfect little humans and secretly feeling inadequate and confused behind the scenes?  How many new parents were feeling bad because they thought they must be strange for feeling completely frustrated by their perfect little human?

JK Coy

Love You to Pieces, Beautiful Monster is an inclusive tale for new parents (or soon to be parents).  No one should feel alone as they adjust to parenthood.  The book is full of truth, humor, and adorable illustrations to entertain those little monsters.  Get it for yourself, gift it to a friend.

We are all in this together. Figuring it out, minute by minute.  Failing, and trying again.

See all the books by author J.K. Coy here.

Author: J.K. Coy

Orange County Mom. Wife. Author. I like being active almost as much as I love dark chocolate, so that works out well most days.

3 thoughts on “Failing and Laughing, Learning to be a New Parent”

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