birth – My Mom is the Worst

ALL the Birth (Book) Details – Slighty Less Graphic than My Birth Video

Can you imagine being pregnant and having the “due date” continuously pushed back, week after week?

At some point you might just think you are going to stay pregnant forever.

Many times I felt that way during the writing of the latest book. Things took far longer than I expected to come together. It literally ended up taking nine months from the time I put a call out that I was looking for positive, minimal intervention birth stories to then compile, write, edit, format, and publish this baby. And like an anxious mama-to-be, I was losing my patience with the process toward the end.

Even the name took longer than expected to choose. But a title, is pretty important. It will be around for a while. I wanted a strong title, yet one that wasn’t too “birthy.” So like most of us do when we are expecting, I made lists and ran them by friends (and fans) to gauge their reaction.

But ultimatly the decision was mine. This book was my baby. The final title is one I feel honors the women that shared their positive birth stories in the book. And it also encourages any woman, that decides to one day give birth, to believe in her body:

Because YOU Are Superwoman: How to Harness Your Superpower and Create a Positive Birth Experiance with Minimal Medical intervention

Things are finally coming together. This baby is fully baked and ready to make an appearance.

Speaking of appearances, let me share the first official cover photo!

The cover clearly lets readers know that the topic is “birth,” but hopefully the strong, modern, and bold look and feel alludes to the tone of this birth book.

I also threw in some humor and overly personal details, just to keep it light;) Think of the book You are a Bad*ss and then add the words, At Giving Birth.

Here is the working book description:

***

Do you want a positive birth experience, but haven’t heard of any?

Do you think a more natural birth experience sounds ideal, but don’t know how to go about having one?

Have you ever wondered if other strong, educated women choose to birth with minimal medical intervention?

Fortunately, these are not your typical birth stories.

These are the remarkable stories of modern-day superheroes. A bunch of bad*ss super women, just like you. They are bold, educated, strong, and they decided to do things differently. Ultimately, they chose to make their belief in their body Plan A, while reserving the marvel of medical interventions for Plan B.

Over twenty birth stories, paired with six evidence-based steps for a Minimal Intervention (M.I.) Birth, will provide you with the confidence and skills you need to go after the birth experience that you desire. An empowering experience that likely strays far from everything you’ve been conditioned to believe about birth.

Stop simply hoping for a positive, minimal intervention birth. This book contains the specific birth plan for you, and it’s easier than you think.

***

Cursing, pooping, grunting, naked, raw, real and candid birth stories told by strong, intelligent mamas. Above all their stories will encourage fellow women that they too have everything they need to birth their baby with minimal intervention.

So here is the exciting part. Unlike childbirth where you never know the exact birthdate, this book is going to be available on Amazon on Nov. 11th, 2018! That’s just two weeks away, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for you to read it! If it lives up to the expectations of those of us that collaborated on it, this book is going to change the way women, and practitioners, think about birth.

If you’d like to get an advanced copy of Because YOU Are Superwoman in exchange for an honest review on Facebook or Amazon, join the launch team! Contact me here and include the words Launch Team in the heading – I’ll follow-up with details next week. To join the team and get your free advanced copy, I need to hear from you by Monday, Nov. 5th.

Ready to get your hands on something now? For a limited time, if you buy either of my children’s books on Amazon, you get the e-book FREE and you can start reading ASAP!

And if you are still questioning, does she really have a graphic birth video? The answer is yes.

And no.

It’s not a flattering angle, and I don’t plan to share it;)

Here’s the Birth Book Update You’ve Been Waiting For

I now have over twenty birth stories contributed. They may have all been natural births, but each story is very unique, as are the bad ass mamas featured.

The Coys-59 I’ve got a matter of minutes before my baby awakes from her magical slumber and turns in to a salivating little monster in search of THE MILK.

I wanted to give a quick update of where things are at with the most recent masterpiece in the making – a compilation of Natural Birth Stories, meant to inspire woman to take control of their birth care.

I now have over twenty birth stories contributed. They may have all been natural births, but each story is very unique, as are the bad ass mamas featured.

A Woman that had two medicated births and wanted to finally have the birth experience she desired
A woman that gave birth in one of the most progressive birth countries: The Netherlands
A woman that delivered TWINS without pain meds
A woman that had her baby eight minutes after arriving at the hospital (my hand is up)
A woman whose labor lasted more than a day
A woman that had to fight the negativity she received from the hospital staff to persevere
A woman whose body was recovering from physical injury and just a year ago never would have thought her body was capable
A woman that had to face the feared “back labor”
A woman afraid of hospitals and pain.
A woman that has been ashamed to share her birth story because it’s not acceptable to share a positive birth story in light of all the negativity surrounding birth
A woman that had to cancel a work presentation to go deliver her baby

In short, a bad ass woman just like you.

So here is where I am at –

The stories are in, I have requested follow-up details from every contributor, I interviewed Staci (Doula and Owner of Labor of Love), I hired the editor this afternoon, and I am wrapping up the opening chapters this week.

The book is on track to come out this summer. Subscribe to this blog via email to be the first to know when it launches, or follow us on Facebook @Storiesbyjkcoy.

I typically give out some free copies of my books during launch to readers on my email list. So make sure you share this with friends that may be interested.

More news to come.

I Started a New Job the Day My Baby was Born

For twenty eight hours a week, I became the leading lady at the new topless bar in town. I had no choice. The baby had to eat.

The day my daughter was born, I started a new job. For twenty eight hours a week, I became the leading lady at the new topless bar in town. I had no choice. The baby had to eat.

shutterstock breastfeeding mama — @shutterstock

It is true. Some people picture maternity leave as one long vacation. But women everywhere are actually busy doing some of the most demanding and thankless jobs during this time – sustaining human life. In my case that meant nursing, but I assume the hours are similar for moms using formula. There is plenty of work to fill the hours we used to use at our real jobs.

While being the leading lady at the topless bar is not less significant than a fancy job that you need a degree for; you’re not going to get paid the same. People (*husband*) may refer to you as the “Boob Lady.” Your shifts will be mandated every three hours by a loud, tiny boss. You’ll suddenly have to become a logistical genius to go on a mommy vacation (Target) for more than an hour at a time.

I am not complaining. I am just speaking in facts. Those first couple months a baby eats around eight times a day, for thirty minutes per session (prepping, feeding, clean-up). Each week the math works out to about twenty eight hours (during the newborn stage), with no days off.

shutterstock breastfeeding mama 2 — @Shutterstock

In my experience, everything got a little easier with the second child. Overall, I had a better routine down. But, it still took at least thirty minutes to execute. Every three hours I would change baby, nurse and burp baby, freeze the let down milk I had collected and clean the collection cup (read how I’ve managed to build a serious freezer stash with ZERO pumping), then rock baby back to sleep or let her play on the mat.

Now that it is my second time working at the topless bar in two years, I understand that the role is temporary. My job description will change over time. “Boob Lady” doesn’t have to be my lifelong identity. However, it is a significant part of who I am right now.

And for those that have ever wondered what a new mom does with all her free time during maternity leave, come visit her at work. On the couch, where you tip her in foot massages and quality dark chocolate. **Shirts are always optional.**

Like what you’ve found on the blog? I’m always sharing life updates and humor on Facebook and Insta. Join the family! You can also buy my latest children’s books here.

Natural Birthing By Modern Women; Share Your Story

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country. Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and demands intervention.

It is time to share another story. Your Story.

This very minute, eight babies are being born in the U.S. – CDC

That’s almost 11,000 babies per day – yet when is the last time you heard anyone talking about natural childbirth in a positive context?

Mention a natural birth and people look at you like you must have suffered some horrible tragedy, or be some sort of a closet hippie. But I know that is not your story. You are an educated, modern woman.

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country. Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and it demands intervention.

That was the message I had received from society, and I accepted it. Anything less than a doctor, an epidural, and laboring on my back was venturing in to hippie territory. Until I got pregnant myself.

The more I learned, the more I felt conflicted. Everything I thought I knew about birth seemed questionable. It no longer felt like these accepted interventions were in the best interest of the woman. It felt like natural child birth should actually be the starting point for the birth discussion, instead of the option viewed as what crazy, uneducated, poverty-stricken, or careless women chose to do.

I’ve had two unmediated, hospital births in the last two years.

Birth Story One

Birth Story Two

Natural birth doesn’t have to be scary or crunchy.

It’s unfortunate that Ina May’s Childbirth book is still one of the only resources being passed around on natural birth. I love it too, but a book about natural birth on a hippy commune in rural Tennessee isn’t going to resonate with most women.

We need to extend positive birth stories to all women, even those that do not think they want a natural birth. They should know it is a realistic option. It is the most noninvasive form of childbirth possible, and allows women to avoid many negative or unnecessary interventions. It can be very empowering. Most often it is a healthy and safe option for the mama and her baby. And, it’s not some reckless, crazy act reserved for those that love self torture.

Today the U.S. cesarean rate is 31.9%. How has our society convinced women to casually agree to major surgery, without strongly considering that their body is equipped for birth? Medical intervention is an amazing option when needed, but it should not be the norm that women are routinely encouraged toward.

Sharing my experiences will never be enough. There is power in numbers.

For most women, having their eyes opened to alternative birth options, and believing that they are capable of achieving them, are different. All of the self-education in the world likely won’t convince a woman that natural birth may be for her.

It’s the stories of women that have achieved a natural birth, and are just like them, that will make them think maybe, just maybe, it’s possible for them too.

All we can do is plant seeds of belief in other women. If we show them that we have been there and we believe they can do it too, it can make all the difference in their world.

Women need to read many empowering stories to begin to change the birth monologues that society has ingrained in their minds. By sharing a collaboration of natural birth experiences, we can show women that not all childbirth is the crazy shit show that we been taught to fear.

If you have a passion for sharing this message and have always wanted to see your story published in a best-selling book, this is your chance.

Are you ready to change the message around childbirth?

It’s time to share another story. Your Story.

The program kicks off in the next thirty days. Message me for details. Just put the words: Natural Birth – Your Name – Your Email in the message and I’ll get back to you within 24hrs.

You will receive story coaching from an Amazon best-selling author, deadlines to keep you committed, professional editing services, your birth story featured in a book, and marketing materials to share the amazing news that you are now a published author!

I know you have objections, but your story is too important. Let’s do this together!

**FYI, I am currently closed to submissions at this time. Please follow the blog for updates on the release of the current book, and when I will be accepting new clients/stories**

Eight Minute Birth; Baby Delivered Faster Than Pizza Hut

Yup, eight minutes after arriving at the nurses station my baby was delivered.

The scene opens on a seedy nail salon in a strip-mall in Orange County, CA. It’s the type of nail place you go when you’ve already spent too much money on personal grooming that month, and you need a deal. Adequate, but so dated that it’s far from a relaxing and luxurious experience. There is a woman painting my toes and massaging my feet, as I quietly try to breath through contractions without causing a scene.

At this point I am ten days “past due” (my thoughts on that here), and I went to bed the night prior with some minor back pain. In the morning it was still mild so I spent a few hours working on a children’s book marketing project, making no bake coconut bites, taking a two mile walk, washing and vacuuming the car, and buying a new house plant, before finally heading to the nail salon at 2:30 pm. By then I had convinced myself that I was likely in labor, but I figured I had plenty of time since the pain was manageable and hadn’t come around to the front of my belly yet – it was still all in my back.

So, back at the nail salon…another woman started doing my gel manicure. I’m pretty sure it must have been her first gel because it took her over an hour. She kept applying the paint, then wiping it off and starting over.

Mind you, this entire time the back contractions are continuing to intensify. I was shooting the woman daggers with my eyes, praying she would get it together so I could go home and be miserable in peace. I finally asked her if she was almost done because I had to go, this baby was coming tonight. Every ten minutes I was having a thirty second contraction that I had to close my eyes and breath through.

By 4 pm she finally wrapped it up. I drove myself home and was in the tub by 4:15 pm. My husband came in to the bathroom to check on me. I told him what was going on, but figured the contractions needed to get closer together before heading to the hospital. I was planning another natural birth (read the first birth story here) so the last thing I wanted to do was arrive at the hospital too early.

I reached out to my midwife just to let her know that I thought we would be heading in to the hospital later tonight. I decided to track the contractions with an app on my phone. Come to find out, I am a poor counter in pain. The contractions that I thought were thirty seconds long, were really a minute, every eight to ten minutes apart.

I showered between contractions, while my husband made arrangements for our toddler, and then I decided to go lay in bed. My poor husband tried to push on my back during a contraction because the counter-pressure during contractions had been really helpful with my first labor. This time not so much. Laying down and having someone push on my back was the exact opposite of helpful. Contractions were lasting about a minute and a half every four to six minutes at that point. I was almost in tears and snapped at him to stop asking me so many questions!

That was my first cue that we probably needed to head in to the hospital. That, and the intensity of the contractions were getting to the point where I could no longer quietly breath through them. I was moaning out in pain. We headed out to the car for our four mile drive to the hospital.

During the ten minute drive I was alternating between texting my parents who had just arrived at LAX airport an hour away, giving updates to my midwife – contractions were now lasting for one minute – every three minutes, listening to my husband yell at every stop light, and me squeezing my cell phone like a stress ball as I moaned through contractions. As we rounded the corner by the hospital a very intense contraction got me and I firmly pounded my fist on the car door a few times. That got both our attention. This labor had gotten REAL really fast.

Once at the hospital I jumped out of the car while my husband grabbed our bags. I had to pause at a couch inside the hospital to moan through another contraction. There was a man and his young son near by and I was trying my best not to be too loud and scare them. By then my husband caught up with me and was trying to get me to take the elevator up to the birthing level.

“Nope,” I said. I needed to keep moving. I had one goal. Make it to the nurse’s station before the next contraction.

“I’m taking the stairs.”

Thankfully I did, because I literally made it to the nurse’s station, saw my midwife behind the counter and smiled at her, then put my head down telling the triage nurse to talk to my husband for any details she needed. I started moaning through another contraction, except this time it was different. I could feel my body start to involuntarily push the baby down. It was like my body knew I had made it. I was in the hospital. My midwife was there. I was safe. The time was 6:08 pm.

As soon as my midwife heard the types of sounds I was making, she took over the situation. She told the nurses to get me a room NOW. They offered me a chair to wheel me to a room.

“Nope,” I said. I wanted to walk since I had a break between contractions.

We made it to a room and they had me take off my pants (the comfy Le Tote ones I borrowed), and offered me a hospital gown.

“Nope,” I said. I didn’t want to feel like a patient.

The nurses told me I could climb up on the bed.

“Nope.”

I was a woman on a mission at that point; my one and only job was to birth this baby, NOW.

“Hand me those pillows,” I said to the nurse.

That was the last rationale thing I said until my baby arrived. I proceeded to stand next to the bed, lean over, and bury my face in the pillows while I screamed through each contraction as my body pushed the baby down and out. I knew I was supposed to be trying to keep my voice low and relaxed, but all I could do was shrill and hang on for the ride.

Some how my husband was able to get the video camera set-up during all this (in case you’re wondering, it’s not a flattering angle). He then asked the midwife how much time we had before the baby arrived. She confidently responded, “About two more pushes.”

She was right. Two pushes later, she and my husband were catching a perfect baby girl. I laid over the bed panting as if I had just finished a marathon in record time. They offered to pass the baby through my legs so I could hold her and get up on the bed. Official time of birth – 6:16 pm.

Yup, eight minutes after arriving at the nurses station.

after birth love other

I’m not sure if that was a hospital record, but my IRONMAN husband is looking in to it. He laughs because on the video he says it’s like I have a race high. I am really excited and can’t stop jabbering with the nurses about what just happened. In my defense there were a lot of endorphins and hormones rushing through my body at that point.

after birth love

An hour and a half later, the medical staff was finally done prodding my lower half, checking on the baby, and making me answer hospital in-take questions – since we bypassed that last bit on the way in. As they walked out, my parents arrived from LAX.

mommy and baby meet

After a short visit with my parents, we sent them out to get Pizza Hut, the holy grail of post partum. The restaurant was located just a mile away, and they were supposed to deliver the pizza to my parents, downstairs at the main entrance of the hospital. Some how it took over an hour and they ended up delivering the wrong pizza! I thought about calling to complain, but it was 10 pm and I hadn’t eaten since 1 pm…so obviously I just grumbled about it as I ate three pieces. The good news was that it bought us a proper moment to meet our baby girl, and finally agree on a name.

Baby Liv Claire Coy entered our world (2.2.18) fast and furious. A crazy, yet perfect labor and delivery. Definitely, the most exciting Friday night these parents have had in a long time.

perfect baby girl

I’ve heard second labors are typically about half as long as your first.

In your experience, was your second labor much shorter than your first?

Super Preggo Ladies, Could You Just Relax?

Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?

Here’s a recipe for an internet disaster: Tell a bunch of tired and hormonal women to RELAX already.

But I can’t. I literally can not hear another women complain about needing her baby out NOW without adding another perspective.

pregnant mom 2 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Note: If you are a nurse or a well meaning friend or family member – please don’t add to that notion either. Help these women relax! Buy them ice cream, rub their feet, but don’t make them feel like their baby NEEDS to come out now.

pregnant mom 1 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

This P.S.A. is coming from someone that is currently “past due” by almost a week, so I’m in the trenches too. But not for a second will I be fooled that I can’t wait a few more days for my baby to arrive. Passing your due date is not a reason to panic. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with your body or your baby. You don’t need to start planning your induction the second you reach your last month of pregnancy. I mean, your baby WILL arrive. I have never heard of one baby that grew up and graduated in their mother’s womb.

pregnant mom 5 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Don’t get too caught up in the labor signs either. Some of us have Braxton Hicks and start dilating weeks before baby makes an appearance. Some of us go from 0-10 cm dilated in less than twenty four hours with no prior labor signs. Neither is right or wrong. Our bodies are unique. Our babies are unique. Relax mamas-to-be. You are almost there. Your baby will arrive any day now.

pregnant mom 4 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Trust me, I get it, you are uncomfortable right now. Your ankles may be swollen, your skin may be tight and itchy, you can’t find a comfortable sleeping position. That’s all real.

But I hate to break it to you, you aren’t going to be comfortable for awhile.

If you’ve never been through it or in case you’ve forgotten, once baby arrives, your body is still not the one you are longing to return to for awhile. The unglamorous truth is that your body will be bleeding for a few weeks afterwards, statistically you’ll probably be recovering from stitches (vaginally or a c-section), and you still won’t be getting any sleep.

pregnant mom 3 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Sure you won’t be waking up to pee and reposition every few hours; instead it will be to soothe and feed a crying baby. Your boobs will be huge, leaky, and overly sensitive. Your mind won’t be able to shut off because you have a newborn to check on.

I’m not saying this to scare you. I’m just honestly wondering, do those sound like great alternatives to rush through the last days of your pregnancy?

pregnant mom 6 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Personally, I am in no rush. Baby will come, and I will be thrilled when she does. In the meantime, I am trying to relax, even in my super preggo body. Because relaxing and thinking in concise thoughts is something the newborn stage doesn’t often afford.

Have you read Love You to Pieces, Beautiful Monster or My Mom is the Worst? These children’s books offer a good laugh to a tired parent, and make a great gift. Check them out here.

JK Coy Books

For the women on the other side of pregnancy: Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?

Keeping Your Mind From Fearing Birth During Those Final Weeks

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day. They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward. That should be illegal.

Watch out! It’s officially birth month. Something pretty large is exiting my body soon whether I like it or not.

40wks birth — Insta Photo Cred @mayavorderstrasse

My due date is Jan. 23rd. So I’m currently 38.5 wks. pregnant. Some might say baby is due any day. Which is possible. But really anytime between Jan. 9th and Feb. 6th should be considered “ordinary” since due dates are an approximation and two weeks “early” or “late” is the normal window in which your body is likely to go in to labor.

In fact, according to Glow’s Nurture Pregnancy App. 95% of babies aren’t born on their due dates. Just 25% of babies come “early” and 70% of babies come “late.”

So, that said, I am just over here trying to keep my cool and enjoy these final weeks before a tiny dictator becomes the center of my universe.

The last couple of weeks I have shared resources I used to educate myself on birth, why I chose a natural birth, the natural hospital birth story of my first daughter, and today I’m sharing my thoughts on how I’m dealing with the idea of experiencing birth for the second time around – very, very soon.

In reality I am excited and nervous at the same time. Birth is like a beautiful body and mind *ss kicking that can sneak up on you at any moment. So psychologically, that’s a blast.

I’ve been trying to stay healthy, positive, and busy to avoid getting stuck in my own head. Birth will happen in its own time, so in the meantime, here is how I’m keeping my mind from fearing birth during these final weeks…

Fearing Birth

Staying Active: I don’t feel quite as strong, or as active, as my first pregnancy, but I’m still making a decent effort. I’m stretching, doing short (15-20 min.) body weight to 10 lb. weight workouts, and walking. The better shape I keep my body in, the more likely it will be ready to be my teammate in labor.
Relaxing: My bubble bath habits have gotten a bit out of control. Between finishing our master bath remodel and my baby belly growing much faster this time around, baths happen almost every other night. I am not a big t.v. watcher, so the tub is likely where you’ll find me after 8 pm. I also like to get massages. I didn’t enjoy some of the wimpy prenatal massages I received with the first pregnancy. So now that I am in the “birth month” window, I feel comfortable getting a firm massage again, with no fear of it setting me in to labor. At this point, baby is developed. Plus I feel like this aligns my spine and pelvis, which is helpful for baby’s exit strategy.
Checking Things Off My To-Do List: Some of the things are rational, and I really would like to accomplish them before baby arrives: washing the infant car seat that have been in the dusty garage for a year, setting up some book marketing efforts for my children’s books that can run in the background, girl time with my friends. But other silly things just get added on when I start to panic that I will never have free time again – like washing the living room curtains, transplanting my succulents, and filing every piece of paperwork in my house.
Adulting – When you start to think about creating new life, you also start thinking about how you need to get your ducks in a row. With the first baby, our adulting goal was to pay off the remainder of our hefty student loans before our daughter was born. We managed to pay them off the month she was born, except the joke was on us when her monthly daycare and diaper bills ate up all the money we thought we were going to be savings. Kids are fun. This time around, our adulting goal was to write a will. We managed to finish it, but are waiting to file it until we have a name and birth date for Baby Two. But, at least we now have it on paper, and know what each of our wishes are, if needed.
Filling My Head With Positive Thoughts: Is child birth going to hurt? Yup. Am I going to have to try to push through that to have the birth I want? Yup. Is it going to be a walk in the park? Nope. And even with my best intentions, plenty of unforeseen things could still come up. But, having no plan, is like planning to fail. So, I’m filling my head with positive birth stories through the resources I mentioned here, and leaving the rest to the higher power at be.

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day. They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward. That should be illegal.

A Pampering Birth

Unless they now paint my toe nails and tell me I’m pretty during labor, leave chocolates on my pillow during turn down service, and my girly parts feel relaxed and rejuvenated when I go how with my newborn two days later, a pampering experience is a slight overstatement.

I’ll report back in a few weeks and let you know how that pampering experience played out.

***I’M CRACKING MYSELF UP OVER HERE***

Why are Positive Birth Stories Like Rare Unicorns?

Does that mean I am going to tell you that birth is glamorous, something I’d chose to do for fun, or pain free? I wish. Really, I do. I have to do it again myself in just a few weeks

Not everyone wants a natural childbirth. DUH, I get it.

But I’m confident that every mother wants a positive birth experience. The funny thing is, most of us aren’t exposed to many, if ANY, positive birth stories before we have to give birth ourselves.

Either we assume they don’t exist because of how the media portrays birth, or because people are so damn eager to share their horror stories, or because it’s just not the norm.

So I wanted to share my birth story, as a point of positive reference.

Does that mean I am going to tell you that birth is glamorous, something I’d chose to do for fun, or pain free? I wish. Really, I do. I have to do it again myself in just a few weeks (Subscribe to follow this blog and get an update when the final part of the story is added: How I feel About Birth the Second Time Around). But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be a positive, empowering experience when you look back on it.

So here we go, the Birth Story of a Mother, a Father, and a Baby. Because that is the thing, you birth a baby and a new identity for yourself and your significant other, all at the same time. Crazy to think about, right?!

At 33 yrs. old I finally felt like I had traveled, learned, and self indulged long enough, that I was ready for a child. Fortunately my husband was also far beyond his college party days, willingly going to bed by 10pm., and was also on board with the baby idea.

After four months of trying, I took three pregnancy tests the day before Father’s Day and confirmed I was in fact, with child. Why three tests? I messed up the first one by not reading the directions (yup, it can be more complicated than peeing on a stick, for some brands myou have to remove the cover;), the second was a false negative, and the third was a winner!

baby 8.14.15

Once we found out we were pregnant I started down the traditional health care path. I picked an OB-GYN, and as it turned out, I really liked her. She was younger, active, and had two young kids. I had no issues.

But the more I learned about birth in the U.S. (read Part One here: Natural Child Birth Sounds Insane, but You’re Still Curious: Six Resources to Consider) the more I started to think about natural birth. Honestly, I wasn’t 100% convinced I wanted to go that route, but once I found out that there was a midwife that could deliver at my hospital, I switched to her care at 33 wks. I figured it was my best chance of receiving the coaching and attention I felt I would need to achieve the birth I wanted (read Part 2 here: Why Natural Birth Trumped America’s Other Options)

I felt good during the third trimester and continued to stay as active as possible. I gave up running around 32 wks, but was still playing tennis, walking, doing light weights, and a little Zumba.

I went in for an appointment at 40 wks. + 3 days. I wasn’t dilated a bit. But, I figured my baby and body knew what to do when, so I wasn’t too worried. Then the midwife started discussing inserting a balloon to start dilation. I was not excited. She said she would give me a few more days.

At 40 wks. + 5 days, I went to Zumba. I had finished everything on my to-do list, so I decided to layout by the pool. That was noon on Leap Day, The one day my husband told me not to have the baby. I felt what I thought may be the start of contractions, but I decided to relax and see.

By 6pm. when my husband came home from work, I told him I thought I was in labor. Since contractions were still far enough a part, I decided to go to sleep around 9 pm. After an hour they were getting stronger and closer and I started tracking them with an app. I got up, took a bath, packed my bag, paced the house, sat on the exercise ball, and used a heating pad on my back. By 5 am, or so, we texted the midwife to let her know I was in labor. We left the house about 6:15 am, arriving at the hospital by 6:30 am. When I walked in they said I seemed to calm to be in labor. Ha, I didn’t feel calm. I was in pain and just trying to deal with it internally!

When they checked me at 7:15 am, they asked if I wanted an epidural. I said, that depends, how far along am I? I was at 5 cm. I decided to press on.

Once I got in to my hospital room, I was able to pace around the room and lean on various furniture, or my husband, for support when the contractions hit. Once the midwife arrived she applied counter pressure on my back during each contraction. She told me I could try out the labor tub at 8:45 am. At this hospital you could labor in it until your water broke and then you had to get out because of increased risk of infection.

labor pains

By that point contractions were very intense. I was groaning as I could feel the baby moving down with every contraction, and the pressure and intensity building. Honestly I don’t know if I was totally coherent at that point. I was just trying to block everything out.

I do remember that I was no longer a sweet pregnant woman by the time my midwife told me that I needed to get out of the tub so that she could check me (9:50 am). I was more of a barbaric, naked, grunting beast. She said the sounds of my groans had changed, and it was a signal that my body was likely ready to push.

Pretty sure I could have pierced her heart with the daggers my eyes wanted to throw at her in that moment, except that would have taken too much energy and coordination, which I didn’t have at that moment.

Some how I exited the tub and they checked me . Apparently my water broke when they checked me, and I was 10 cm (10:20 am). I was ready to push.

I had imagined that I would want to push standing up, with the help of gravity working with me. But once I was on that bed to get checked, there was no way I was moving. By that point contractions were off the charts, I was screaming and squeezing my husband’s hand, and my body was starting to involuntarily push. Instead I chose a side position, biting a towel, with one of my legs propped up on a push bar for leverage.

Eventually I was told that the high pitched screams weren’t helping anything. Plus, I started to worry that I was scaring the laboring mother in the next room. My midwife suggested that I use low groans, then hold my breath and use the power to push my baby out.

They told me they could see the baby’s head. I figured they were just trying to humor me at that point. They asked if I wanted a mirror so that I could see for myself. I declined. I don’t like medical stuff, there was no way I wanted to see what was going on down there while I was in the middle of it. Some people say the pushing phase feels good after the pain of contractions. That was not my case. The amount of pressure down there felt scary. To be a bit graphic, I felt like I was tearing in half.

But here is the crazy thing. Through all of this, asking for an epidural never crossed my mind. With the constant attention and affirming coaching from my husband and midwife, I felt convinced that this was all normal. This was how birth was supposed to progress. I could just get through it one moment at a time. My body was not broken. I did not need a doctor to fix me. What I needed was a calm environment. Love and support, gentle coaching to try new things (positions, breathing, etc.), and a belief in myself.

But had someone been in my ear asking if I wanted an epidural, or left me alone with my fears, I probably would have cracked.

After pushing for 45 min. the head started to emerge. I was ready for all this fun to be over. During the next contraction I pushed with all my might and the head and the body slide out at 11:08 am. My midwife and husband were there to catch the baby. She was perfect.

I couldn’t believe it. The pain was over. The pain had a purpose. The pain told my body what to do. And that purpose was now in my arms.

I had some tearing, so I had to wait until I delivered the placenta and got stitched up, before I finally got to be left alone between my legs. But once I was, it was awesome. I wasn’t attached to anything. I could freely move and bond with my daughter, soaking up those first few hours as a new little family.

I was pretty damn proud of the birth my daughter and I just achieved together.

Our first amazing adventure, on day one.

Baby Kisses

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So, the big question. Would I do it again? Yup. That’s the plan.

Subscribe to follow this blog and get an update when Part Four of the story is added: How I feel About Birth the Second Time Around.

Want something else fun to read? Check out my collection of loving and sarcastic children’s books (Love You to Pieces Beautiful Monster and My Mom is the Worst).

And, If you have your own positive birth story online (Natural, Medicated, or C-Section), please share a link in the comments below so that we can collect other examples of positive stories. Thanks!

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Four Reasons Natural Birth Trumped America’s Other Options

Eventually my first pregnancy got to the point that I could no longer ignore that this baby was exiting my body, whether I liked it or not. So I decided to educate myself on childbirth.

Something you should probably know about me: I get real squeamish around anything medical.

I don’t like hospitals. I don’t like feeling like a patient. I didn’t like watching ER, back in the day. I would try to watch, because, you know, Mr. Clooney. But, I’d be caught off guard, every episode, by some bodily fluid spraying out. GROSS.

Many of my family members work in hospitals. I plug my ears when they share medical stories at the dinner table.

When it comes to medication, I’ve always erred on the side of less is more. You’ve all seen the commercials where the list of possible side effects sounds far worse than the things the medicine is supposed to treat.

And, I pretty much blacked out during health class. Too much information about the inner workings of my body.

All that said, I’m not sure if that made me a more, or less, likely candidate for natural childbirth.

But eventually my first pregnancy got to the point that I could no longer ignore that this baby was exiting my body, whether I liked it or not. So I decided to educate myself on childbirth, using the six resources I mention in this post, plus lots of stories of woman with positive birth experiences. (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added).

Below are the reasons I found in favor of natural childbirth. Some are fact based, some are preference based. This list was enough to encourage me to make natural childbirth Plan A.

Natural Birth Part Two

A 32% US Cesarean Rate, According to the CDC:

Really?! So one third of woman are now incapable of safely delivering their baby? Bull Sh*t. There are scenarios where a cesarean is most definitely life saving for mom and baby, but there were two instances I was not comfortable with: medical interventions that lead to a cesarean (more on that later), and doctors and mothers that casually consider a cesarean a modern option for any inconvenient pregnancy issue. I’ve heard stories of mothers scheduling cesareans so they could pick a special date, chose their time off based on work schedules or visitors being in town, because they are told their baby is to big on the ultrasound, because they don’t want to push, because they had a c-section before, because a woman has a small-frame she is told she will have trouble pushing out a baby, or just generally because labor is not progressing and the mom is getting too tired. The list goes on. I can’t understand why these are sufficient reasons to under go major surgery. 32% was very discouraging to me. I needed to arm myself with the best possible scenario for avoiding becoming part of this statistic.

One Medical Intervention Often Leads to Another:

Many women that are part of that 32% cesarean rate, don’t enter the hospital thinking that will be their fate. They have the best intentions to labor and deliver vaginally. But then the realities of modern medicine intervene.

1. An epidural is administered for pain management, labor slows down because your body no longer feels the natural sensations, nurses administer pitocin (almost 30% of births use pitocin or other induction methods) to speed up labor which causes contractions to intensify (mom often doesn’t notice because she’s had the epidural), baby starts to go in to distress because of the unnatural intensity and frequency of these super contractions, the babies heart rate spikes to unsafe levels, mom is taken in for an emergency c-section to save the baby.

2. A mother is at, or past, her due date so an induction is scheduled. The doctors try to artificially start and progress labor, which can lead to the same scenario described above.

Again, cesareans are a great option to have when things go wrong, but if the medical interventions used to speed labor ultimately lead to the cesarean, we are a victim of our own medical side effect commercial. Medical intervention comes with side effects, and I didn’t like the course that those interventions could put me on. So I chose to avoid step one, the epidural, in hopes of avoiding the other interventions.

I Wanted Support, Not Ulterior Motives, Driving My Birth Decisions:

Many hospitals have standards about how quickly you need to progress in labor before they offer ways to intervene – for your benefit, of coarse.

And, most doctors will only be there for the last few minutes before baby arrives, leaving you to labor alone or intermittently with a nurse.

I knew labor would be difficult, and possibly scary. As a woman you really have no idea what it will feel like. You don’t get a practice run. I knew I wanted a support system that would be there with me for the challenging parts, and keep me calm. I figured the best way to do that would be to hire a midwife. Because the majority of midwives regularly attend natural births, I felt comfortable trusting my midwife during the birth process. You would never hire a coach that hasn’t regularly achieved that outcome you want. That would be silly. Why would I leave my intentions of a natural birth to someone that doesn’t regularly do it, nor encourage it?

I initially looked for a doula to come alongside my OB-GYN, but found that most were more than I had to spend. Fortunately, I ended up finding a midwife that was approved to deliver at my hospital (I live in Orange County, CA – not some small town, and astonishingly there was still just one midwife approved to deliver at my hospital, at that time). This meant insurance would cover it. I got the best of both worlds: an experienced and encouraging coach and doctor, in a hospital setting in case any issues came up.

Natural Labor in the Hospital — Walking Around to Labor, Temporarily Wearing the External Fetal Monitor to Check on Baby

I Didn’t Want to Feel Like a Patient:

As I explained, I don’t like medical stuff, which includes feeling like a patient. By forgoing the epidural I was able to wear my own clothes (no paper hospital gown), walk around the room, try any position I wanted to find comfort during contractions, soak in the bathtub in my hospital room, eat and drink, push in any position I wanted (instead of flat on my back – which actually makes your pelvis more narrow), and generally deal with the pain on my own terms with a trained and encouraging support partner.

Labor and delivery was hard work, but I felt like my body was doing something powerful and natural. I was not damaged goods, waiting for a doctor to make me better.

Your body is not a lemon. Our creator is not careless. Your body was made for this.

Come back for the rest of the series – my natural birth story, and mentally preparing for my upcoming delivery of baby two. (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added).

Note: my intention is not to shame anyone that has had a different birth experience from mine. My intent is to provide a positive example of what birth can be, in spite of what most of us are exposed to about child birth in the United States. Educate yourself so you can feel comfortable with your own decisions.

If You Want to Comment on A Baby Bump, Here are the Rules

Thanks for commenting on my body’s beach ball similarity, said no pregnant woman ever. I just left shaking my head.

FullSizeRender (1) — Photo Cred: @hegehost1

Sure, I’m emotional. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with baby two. I’m at the point where my tears have few limits while scrolling through social media. Puppies – blub. Babies – Blub. Blub. Inspirational stories – Blub, blub, blub.

So it’s no surprise I was extra annoyed by the Ralphs cashier yesterday. But some people really are so clueless when it comes to how to talk to a pregnant woman. That, or they like to compare everything about their birth experience to the experience you must be having, because you know, every pregnancy is the same.

As the cashier was ringing up my bounty, she asked, “So when are you due?”

I smiled and replied, “January.”

“Oh wow, you look like you are ready to go now. That’s what I looked like when I gave birth!”

Seriously – Are some people just unaware of the vomit they are about to spew when they open their mouth?! I’ve gained a total of 22 lbs., which mind you is already more than I gained in total with my first pregnancy (so I’m a bit self concise), but honestly, I didn’t think it was totally out of control…until now.

The grocery store train wreck didn’t end there. She declared, “Early January, I hope!”

“Actually January 23rd,” I mumbled.

She didn’t even pause, as if she had noticed how awkward the conversation had become. Biggest eye roll ever.

Thanks for commenting on my body’s beach ball similarity, said no pregnant woman ever. I just left shaking my head.

I’m not suggesting you walk on pins and needles around every obviously pregnant woman. Just please stop to think of something positive and uplifting to say before you open your mouth.

Pregnant mamas have a lot on their mind. They probably haven’t had comfortable sleep in awhile, they may feel like they are running out of acceptable clothes that fit, and they’re probably starting to think about this gigantic watermelon that soon has to exit their perfect peach.

After two pregnancies, the grocery store conversation was obviously not the only clueless run in I had. Here are a few things I’ve heard that I wouldn’t recommend using as your one liner:

“Is it really safe to be running while you are pregnant?”

“You wanted that decaf right?”

A coworker who said, “Your pregnancy has been way to easy, something bad has got to happen.”

A cousin who said, “Why would you want a natural birth? You wouldn’t get your tooth removed without pain meds. Why would you do it with a baby?”

“You look like you’re ready to Pop!”

Obviously none of these made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Thankfully, I’ve had some positive interactions that have taught me what can really make a pregnant woman’s day. Here are a few:

“Wow, that’s awesome that you are still working out!”

“From behind you don’t even look pregnant.”

A coworker that wished me a quick and easy delivery.

An aunt who said, “I honestly believe you are strong enough to achieve a natural birth.”

A guy who simply clapped for me when I ran by him on the trail.

Strangers that held the door open, or offered to carry things for me.

Pregnancy and childbirth can be a real mind f*ck for a woman. Please don’t traumatize her with negativity. Heed the old advice: If you can’t say something nice, please don’t say anything at all. We really don’t want to hear it.