relax – My Mom is the Worst

A Happy Halloween in the Making

I love Halloween like a seven year old loves Halloween, but I do not have the mental bandwidth to stress about my daughters costumes this year.

Here’s how this year’s costumes came together:

I had a lady bug costume shoved in the back of the closet that I bought at a garage sale for $2 long before it would fit my oldest daughter, in anticipation of her trick or treating days.

Then a couple weeks ago I saw an infant size lady bug costume hanging at a kids resale store for $2.

Perfection.

My two little love bugs would be lady bugs! Done. Settled. One decision out of my jam-packed brain.

Sometimes as parents we resist doing things the simple way because we don’t want our children to think we don’t care about them.

But simplicity is not the same as indifference.

As a young child you can probably think of instances of both. Sometimes simple things actually made you feel incredibly happy (making a homemade dice costume from a box), while indifference, or lack of planning, made you feel unimportant or forgotten (stopping at the grocery store on Halloween and picking from the leftover plastic masks).

Doing things more simple this year doesn’t mean that I don’t care, and it is important to me that my girls know that. Simple means that I am deciding how much of my precious time and attention can be put in to certain things, so that I have time and energy to actually invest in being present with them.

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Simple doesn’t mean you don’t care, or didn’t plan. It can actually be a sign that you planned well.

Remember that as you enter the crazy holiday season ahead.

And…

Happy Halloween (month)!

From,

The Oldest Trick or Treater on the Block

PS My oldest is two and a half and already pretty obsessed with Halloween. My job is done here:)

Where My Girls At? Crazy Moms Unite.

One time I got after my parents for wasting too many wipes when they were changing the baby for me.

With my first baby there were so many unspoken rules.

Not the real rules like babies should sleep on their backs, but silly rules I created in my head.

The strangest one, that I can remember right now, is that I decided we would use just one wipe for pee diapers and two wipes for poop diapers. One time I got after my parents for wasting too many wipes when they were changing the baby for me.

Looking back it was ludicrous that I thought I needed to control the number of wipes we used each time.

It’s clear I just felt like I needed to be in control of something. My world was spinning out of control those first few months as a new mom, and I didn’t know how to deal.

Well let me tell you, there is no counting of wipes with the second baby. Not because I don’t love her as much to try to control everything in the world, but because I have more perspective.

cry baby — The second child gets the hand-me-down goods (like this repurposed sign:) and a more relaxed mama.

Besides, this baby has her own agenda. The moment I start wiping her, she decides to start peeing again. If I’m lucky I can whip the diaper back up in time. But when she’s really cunning, she waits until I have just removed the old diaper, to swap in the new one, and she lets loose. Needless to say, there is a lot of wash. I thought getting peed on was supposed to be a boy thing? Shows how much I know.

It doesn’t matter how many wipes I “intended” to use, I am wiping all the lady parts down again. I burn through wipes faster than I can count. And it’s ok, because #2ndtimemom here. Who the heck cares?!

As annoying as she can be, that frozen girl was on to something. LET IT GO.

First time moms, second time moms, all the moms – what are/were you trying to control in motherhood that is plain crazy when you can think rationally about it?

For some of you, you are probably too deep in to new motherhood for you to pinpoint it now. But if your brain literally hurts all the time (like mine did), and you can barely think in full sentences, there are probably a few things on your list to start letting go of.

I don’t want to be the only crazy person up in here. Feel free to share your #crazymom moment.

You’re in a safe place. I’ve got your back mamacita;)

Fact: Babies Kill Productivity

The hours are mundane, but the memories are everything.

My computer straight up died as I started to type the first sentence of this post. I find it humorous in this moment, because that’s kinda how I feel right now.

Like, I don’t wanna. Waaaahhh!

I kinda just want to relax for a moment.

Today is my last day as a mother of two under two. Obviously, it hasn’t been my most productive month. I’m home all day with a newborn, so you would think I could accomplish more, but I’m no longer in charge of my own schedule. I’m on the baby food clock now. And come to find out, I don’t feel super creative when I’m lacking sleep, rocking crying babies, and planning my life in two to three hour blocks.

When I think about it rationally, I know my whole world isn’t going to crumble if I opt out of my norm for a month, or two, or three…

But honestly, when I’m in it, living it, I forget.

Why is it such a struggle?

Why do we convince ourselves that slowing down is going to have these major implications?

Our career or business is going to fall apart, our relationships will unravel, our bodies will never be the same, we’ll never do x and y and z again….

Deep breathe. We gotta let that stinking thinking go.

It is true that life won’t pause for us when we slow down. But it will always be there, ready to pull us in another direction.

We won’t convince our babies to slow down for us, so maybe we should slow down for them, while we can.

The newborn stage is a strange one. Life revolves around a tiny, helpless being. The hours are mundane, but the memories are everything.

Growing Up Made Me Ashamed to Relax

We’ve got responsibilities. We’ve got bills. We’ve got goals. We’re adults now. But really, we’re also just horrible at pausing and seizing the day.

For most of us there is always a to-do list. We are always thinking about what’s next.

But some times life hands you a 90 degree day in January and you just can’t ignore that kind of gift.

Except we do. All the time. Because, life.

We’ve got responsibilities. We’ve got bills. We’ve got goals. We’re adults now. But really, we’re also just horrible at pausing and seizing the day. I’m preaching to myself here, but honestly, probably you as well.

Toward the end of both of my pregnancies I have been reminded of this. I have a to-do list and I work feverishly to complete it because I know there is a huge productivity wasteland coming at me in the near future. And then all the boxes get checked.

But each time I’ve reached forty weeks pregnant, neither of my babies have arrived. So I have some unaccounted for time. I am forced to remember what I used to do for pure pleasure before I was a grown-up. Ummmmm?! What?! But then it starts to slowly come back to me…hang out with friends…do something creative, like drawing a picture…go to the beach!

Lifes a beach bag — This Beach Bag was given to me on the last day of my position at a corporate marketing company. I think they assumed I would use my new “free time” at the beach. Today was the first time it’s been used.

So that’s kind of what I’ve been up to this last week.

The productive adult in me is embarrassed to admit it. I feel the need to mention the admirable, grown-up things I’ve done this week (attend a children’s book writing class, write query letters to agents, track stats and book sales) so you don’t think less of me. But honestly, doing things just for fun has been super strange, and super fulfilling.

I’ve gone to a chick flick at the theater (who knew movies were only $6 if you go at 11 am?!), I’ve done some pencil drawings in my sketch book, and another preggo mama and I spent three hours at a cozy little spot in Laguna Beach chatting with the sand between our toes on a beautiful 90 degree day in January.

Mermaid chubby Baby twins

It’s like my Baby Girl is already forcing me to mentally slow down and be present and grateful for the moment in front of me, a skill that surely does not come naturally as an adult.

Watch out world, she already wants to be in charge.

pregnant laguna beach 1 (1) — Um, Do I look fat in this? 😉 41 wks. baked.

Super Preggo Ladies, Could You Just Relax?

Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?

Here’s a recipe for an internet disaster: Tell a bunch of tired and hormonal women to RELAX already.

But I can’t. I literally can not hear another women complain about needing her baby out NOW without adding another perspective.

pregnant mom 2 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Note: If you are a nurse or a well meaning friend or family member – please don’t add to that notion either. Help these women relax! Buy them ice cream, rub their feet, but don’t make them feel like their baby NEEDS to come out now.

pregnant mom 1 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

This P.S.A. is coming from someone that is currently “past due” by almost a week, so I’m in the trenches too. But not for a second will I be fooled that I can’t wait a few more days for my baby to arrive. Passing your due date is not a reason to panic. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with your body or your baby. You don’t need to start planning your induction the second you reach your last month of pregnancy. I mean, your baby WILL arrive. I have never heard of one baby that grew up and graduated in their mother’s womb.

pregnant mom 5 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Don’t get too caught up in the labor signs either. Some of us have Braxton Hicks and start dilating weeks before baby makes an appearance. Some of us go from 0-10 cm dilated in less than twenty four hours with no prior labor signs. Neither is right or wrong. Our bodies are unique. Our babies are unique. Relax mamas-to-be. You are almost there. Your baby will arrive any day now.

pregnant mom 4 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Trust me, I get it, you are uncomfortable right now. Your ankles may be swollen, your skin may be tight and itchy, you can’t find a comfortable sleeping position. That’s all real.

But I hate to break it to you, you aren’t going to be comfortable for awhile.

If you’ve never been through it or in case you’ve forgotten, once baby arrives, your body is still not the one you are longing to return to for awhile. The unglamorous truth is that your body will be bleeding for a few weeks afterwards, statistically you’ll probably be recovering from stitches (vaginally or a c-section), and you still won’t be getting any sleep.

pregnant mom 3 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Sure you won’t be waking up to pee and reposition every few hours; instead it will be to soothe and feed a crying baby. Your boobs will be huge, leaky, and overly sensitive. Your mind won’t be able to shut off because you have a newborn to check on.

I’m not saying this to scare you. I’m just honestly wondering, do those sound like great alternatives to rush through the last days of your pregnancy?

pregnant mom 6 — Comment Credit: Nurture Pregnancy App

Personally, I am in no rush. Baby will come, and I will be thrilled when she does. In the meantime, I am trying to relax, even in my super preggo body. Because relaxing and thinking in concise thoughts is something the newborn stage doesn’t often afford.

Have you read Love You to Pieces, Beautiful Monster or My Mom is the Worst? These children’s books offer a good laugh to a tired parent, and make a great gift. Check them out here.

JK Coy Books

For the women on the other side of pregnancy: Which was harder for you – the last two weeks of your pregnancy, or the first two weeks home with your newborn?