mom guilt – My Mom is the Worst

With my first baby there were so many unspoken rules.

Not the real rules like babies should sleep on their backs, but silly rules I created in my head.

The strangest one, that I can remember right now, is that I decided we would use just one wipe for pee diapers and two wipes for poop diapers. One time I got after my parents for wasting too many wipes when they were changing the baby for me.

Looking back it was ludicrous that I thought I needed to control the number of wipes we used each time.

It’s clear I just felt like I needed to be in control of something. My world was spinning out of control those first few months as a new mom, and I didn’t know how to deal.

Well let me tell you, there is no counting of wipes with the second baby. Not because I don’t love her as much to try to control everything in the world, but because I have more perspective.

cry baby — The second child gets the hand-me-down goods (like this repurposed sign:) and a more relaxed mama.

Besides, this baby has her own agenda. The moment I start wiping her, she decides to start peeing again. If I’m lucky I can whip the diaper back up in time. But when she’s really cunning, she waits until I have just removed the old diaper, to swap in the new one, and she lets loose. Needless to say, there is a lot of wash. I thought getting peed on was supposed to be a boy thing? Shows how much I know.

It doesn’t matter how many wipes I “intended” to use, I am wiping all the lady parts down again. I burn through wipes faster than I can count. And it’s ok, because #2ndtimemom here. Who the heck cares?!

As annoying as she can be, that frozen girl was on to something. LET IT GO.

First time moms, second time moms, all the moms – what are/were you trying to control in motherhood that is plain crazy when you can think rationally about it?

For some of you, you are probably too deep in to new motherhood for you to pinpoint it now. But if your brain literally hurts all the time (like mine did), and you can barely think in full sentences, there are probably a few things on your list to start letting go of.

I don’t want to be the only crazy person up in here. Feel free to share your #crazymom moment.

You’re in a safe place. I’ve got your back mamacita;)

For most of us there is always a to-do list. We are always thinking about what’s next.

But some times life hands you a 90 degree day in January and you just can’t ignore that kind of gift.

Except we do. All the time. Because, life.

We’ve got responsibilities. We’ve got bills. We’ve got goals. We’re adults now. But really, we’re also just horrible at pausing and seizing the day. I’m preaching to myself here, but honestly, probably you as well.

Toward the end of both of my pregnancies I have been reminded of this. I have a to-do list and I work feverishly to complete it because I know there is a huge productivity wasteland coming at me in the near future. And then all the boxes get checked.

But each time I’ve reached forty weeks pregnant, neither of my babies have arrived. So I have some unaccounted for time. I am forced to remember what I used to do for pure pleasure before I was a grown-up. Ummmmm?! What?! But then it starts to slowly come back to me…hang out with friends…do something creative, like drawing a picture…go to the beach!

Lifes a beach bag — This Beach Bag was given to me on the last day of my position at a corporate marketing company. I think they assumed I would use my new “free time” at the beach. Today was the first time it’s been used.

So that’s kind of what I’ve been up to this last week.

The productive adult in me is embarrassed to admit it. I feel the need to mention the admirable, grown-up things I’ve done this week (attend a children’s book writing class, write query letters to agents, track stats and book sales) so you don’t think less of me. But honestly, doing things just for fun has been super strange, and super fulfilling.

I’ve gone to a chick flick at the theater (who knew movies were only $6 if you go at 11 am?!), I’ve done some pencil drawings in my sketch book, and another preggo mama and I spent three hours at a cozy little spot in Laguna Beach chatting with the sand between our toes on a beautiful 90 degree day in January.

Mermaid chubby Baby twins

It’s like my Baby Girl is already forcing me to mentally slow down and be present and grateful for the moment in front of me, a skill that surely does not come naturally as an adult.

Watch out world, she already wants to be in charge.

pregnant laguna beach 1 (1) — Um, Do I look fat in this? 😉 41 wks. baked.

Tag: mom guilt

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