March 2018 – My Mom is the Worst

Geoffrey the Giraffe’s Extinction Notice: Spring 2018

It feels like they refused to grow up, getting by on nothing more than nostalgia. Eventually memories weren’t paying the bills, and the store is now coming to a close.

I was instantly transported back to 1988, as I walked through the sliding doors with my daughter’s hand in mine.

I don’t want to grow up, I’m a TOYS “R” US kid

Very little had changed in this mega toy store. I’m certain over fifty percent of the toys that overloaded the shelves were the same toys I enjoyed during my childhood.

Fisher Price xylophones, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Lite Brites, Easy-Bake ovens, Power Wheels, the game Hungry Hungry Hippo, and Guess Who? All there for the taking.

geoffrey the giraffe 2018 toys r us through the years — Image adapted from original, original source unknown

It was a fantastic trip down memory lane for my husband and I, both products of the eighties. But not so fantastic for a dying retailer that never evolved.

They got a million toys at TOY “R” US that I can play with.

They may have gotten the million toy part correct. The store felt chaotic and overloaded with all the toys haphazardly jammed inside.

They got the best for so much less, it’ll really flip your lid.

Except no one has actually associated them with having low prices in quite some time. And in an Amazon world, it’s probably not the best idea to try to compete using copious amounts of in-store inventory. The liability is too large.

They already had a lot of square footage in their stores. They could have converted a portion of that to encourage experiences…

an entire magical Island of Sodor set-up for kids to indulge their Thomas the Train day dreams
a stage to encourage play with dress-up clothes, musical instruments, and story time
miniature houses with back yards to ignite the imagination using outdoor basket ball hoops, scooters, baby dolls, and play kitchens
a humongous Lego table featuring the best child-made creation of the day
or even a race track around the store for those Power Wheels that the kids still love today

Honestly, I’m excited just thinking about the possibilities!

Some will contend that kids are busy playing with iPads and computers and aren’t interested in the same kinds of toys. But every family I know, still has a house full of bikes, train, and video games. The toy market isn’t dead.

From bikes to train to video games, it’s the biggest toy store there is!

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It’s just that the retail strategy has evolved and grown up since the eighties. TOYS “R” US should have revised their in-store experience long ago. It feels like they refused to grow up, getting by on nothing more than nostalgia. Eventually memories weren’t paying the bills, and the store is now coming to a close.

I don’t wanna grow up, because maybe if I did, I couldn’t be a TOYS “R” US kid!

Sadly, as of Spring 2018, no one gets to be a TOY “R” US kid.

Game over.

The Missing Toys that Torture Me

How do Moms find anything?

We search the places that someone has promised us they’ve checked.

To the missing ‘W,’

Your run is finally over.

The madness you managed to create in our house was monumental. For months my daughter’s alphabet toy had been incomplete. How was she supposed to finish learning her ABC’s when the W was missing?

No wagon, no walrus, no watermelon.

Whelp!

I searched for you, lost sleep over you, and considered offering a reward to anyone that could find you. Many times I silently resolved to give up on you. But then I always caved, because a good Mom doesn’t give up.

I admit, I got way too excited each time I thought of somewhere new to look. Surely today would be the day I found you!

But it never was. You are indeed talented at the game of hide and seek.

This morning I thought I caught a glimpse of you under the toy chest. I moved it, already planning a victory dance in my head. Instead, it was the wooden bunny from a puzzle. I hadn’t even noticed that she was missing yet, since I was still fixated on the W.

So I thought about it for way too long. At that point I was obsessed with finding you. I pictured you in hiding with the lost red crayon and plastic egg that also keep me up at night.

I thought. And I thought…clearly wasting too much time on the matter.

But then the clouds parted as the the following thought came to mind…

How do Moms find anything?

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We search the places that someone has promised us they’ve checked.

No socks in the drawer, just check the drawer.

No toilet paper left in the cupboard, just check the cupboard.

No milk left in the fridge, just check the fridge.

It’s a fantastic starting place for every Mom detective.

So I held my breath, and I lowered my stomach to the floor, flash light in hand. Low and behold, there you were, waiting quietly in the darkness beneath the couch. The same couch I was guarenteed had been checked.

Well played W, well played.

Once I find the red crayon and plastic egg, you’re all in timeout.

Natural Birthing By Modern Women; Share Your Story

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country. Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and demands intervention.

It is time to share another story. Your Story.

This very minute, eight babies are being born in the U.S. – CDC

That’s almost 11,000 babies per day – yet when is the last time you heard anyone talking about natural childbirth in a positive context?

Mention a natural birth and people look at you like you must have suffered some horrible tragedy, or be some sort of a closet hippie. But I know that is not your story. You are an educated, modern woman.

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country. Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and it demands intervention.

That was the message I had received from society, and I accepted it. Anything less than a doctor, an epidural, and laboring on my back was venturing in to hippie territory. Until I got pregnant myself.

The more I learned, the more I felt conflicted. Everything I thought I knew about birth seemed questionable. It no longer felt like these accepted interventions were in the best interest of the woman. It felt like natural child birth should actually be the starting point for the birth discussion, instead of the option viewed as what crazy, uneducated, poverty-stricken, or careless women chose to do.

I’ve had two unmediated, hospital births in the last two years.

Birth Story One

Birth Story Two

Natural birth doesn’t have to be scary or crunchy.

It’s unfortunate that Ina May’s Childbirth book is still one of the only resources being passed around on natural birth. I love it too, but a book about natural birth on a hippy commune in rural Tennessee isn’t going to resonate with most women.

We need to extend positive birth stories to all women, even those that do not think they want a natural birth. They should know it is a realistic option. It is the most noninvasive form of childbirth possible, and allows women to avoid many negative or unnecessary interventions. It can be very empowering. Most often it is a healthy and safe option for the mama and her baby. And, it’s not some reckless, crazy act reserved for those that love self torture.

Today the U.S. cesarean rate is 31.9%. How has our society convinced women to casually agree to major surgery, without strongly considering that their body is equipped for birth? Medical intervention is an amazing option when needed, but it should not be the norm that women are routinely encouraged toward.

Sharing my experiences will never be enough. There is power in numbers.

For most women, having their eyes opened to alternative birth options, and believing that they are capable of achieving them, are different. All of the self-education in the world likely won’t convince a woman that natural birth may be for her.

It’s the stories of women that have achieved a natural birth, and are just like them, that will make them think maybe, just maybe, it’s possible for them too.

All we can do is plant seeds of belief in other women. If we show them that we have been there and we believe they can do it too, it can make all the difference in their world.

Women need to read many empowering stories to begin to change the birth monologues that society has ingrained in their minds. By sharing a collaboration of natural birth experiences, we can show women that not all childbirth is the crazy shit show that we been taught to fear.

If you have a passion for sharing this message and have always wanted to see your story published in a best-selling book, this is your chance.

Are you ready to change the message around childbirth?

It’s time to share another story. Your Story.

The program kicks off in the next thirty days. Message me for details. Just put the words: Natural Birth – Your Name – Your Email in the message and I’ll get back to you within 24hrs.

You will receive story coaching from an Amazon best-selling author, deadlines to keep you committed, professional editing services, your birth story featured in a book, and marketing materials to share the amazing news that you are now a published author!

I know you have objections, but your story is too important. Let’s do this together!

**FYI, I am currently closed to submissions at this time. Please follow the blog for updates on the release of the current book, and when I will be accepting new clients/stories**

Lady Logic: Wasted Money or Amazing Deal?

So there I was, saving money for my family, and then the Lady Logic creeps in.

You know the rationale you use to validate your crazy?

Well, that’s your Lady Logic.

Let me use myself as an example.

Today I left the house to run errands.

I had showered, and left the house by noon with a newborn. Just for that, I was pretty proud of myself.

Gold star!

Eventually I stopped by Old Navy to make returns. We had some extra outfits that we didn’t end up using for family photos this past weekend. So there I was getting $29.00 in returns done, saving money for my family.

Gold star!

And then the Lady Logic creeps in.

On the way home I stop by a children’s resale boutique, just for a peek.

The kids don’t really need anything…but then again, maybe they do?

And apparently they did.

Browse all the cute kids Toms Here. One of each please!

There were the mint condition kids Toms, because I’ll regret passing up a deal like that…

A long sleeve baby sleeper, because it’s been colder than normal here in SoCal…

The black and white Nicole Miller outfit, because everything looks cute on a toddler…

And the toddler Roxy lounge wear, because…

Just because.

My Mom is the Worst Book Cover — My Mom is the Worst available on Amazon Here

The final damage came to $32.00. And you know what? I left feeling pretty happy. I made those $29.00 in returns earlier, so it’s like I only spent $3.00 and got all these adorable “essentials.”

Gold star!

And that my friend, is Lady Logic.

***

Wasted money, or an awesome deal? You decide.

Where My Girls At? Crazy Moms Unite.

One time I got after my parents for wasting too many wipes when they were changing the baby for me.

With my first baby there were so many unspoken rules.

Not the real rules like babies should sleep on their backs, but silly rules I created in my head.

The strangest one, that I can remember right now, is that I decided we would use just one wipe for pee diapers and two wipes for poop diapers. One time I got after my parents for wasting too many wipes when they were changing the baby for me.

Looking back it was ludicrous that I thought I needed to control the number of wipes we used each time.

It’s clear I just felt like I needed to be in control of something. My world was spinning out of control those first few months as a new mom, and I didn’t know how to deal.

Well let me tell you, there is no counting of wipes with the second baby. Not because I don’t love her as much to try to control everything in the world, but because I have more perspective.

cry baby — The second child gets the hand-me-down goods (like this repurposed sign:) and a more relaxed mama.

Besides, this baby has her own agenda. The moment I start wiping her, she decides to start peeing again. If I’m lucky I can whip the diaper back up in time. But when she’s really cunning, she waits until I have just removed the old diaper, to swap in the new one, and she lets loose. Needless to say, there is a lot of wash. I thought getting peed on was supposed to be a boy thing? Shows how much I know.

It doesn’t matter how many wipes I “intended” to use, I am wiping all the lady parts down again. I burn through wipes faster than I can count. And it’s ok, because #2ndtimemom here. Who the heck cares?!

As annoying as she can be, that frozen girl was on to something. LET IT GO.

First time moms, second time moms, all the moms – what are/were you trying to control in motherhood that is plain crazy when you can think rationally about it?

For some of you, you are probably too deep in to new motherhood for you to pinpoint it now. But if your brain literally hurts all the time (like mine did), and you can barely think in full sentences, there are probably a few things on your list to start letting go of.

I don’t want to be the only crazy person up in here. Feel free to share your #crazymom moment.

You’re in a safe place. I’ve got your back mamacita;)