Parents Talking Dirty

There comes a time in every parent’s life where bowel movements are as common a conversation topic as discussing the weather. 

After almost ten years of marriage and two young kids, think you can guess the hottest topic is in our household?

If you guessed POOP, you are correct!   And if you are disgusted that I would even type that word, you clearly do not have a young child.

Honestly, I don’t know when the turning point came.  The point where I lost all modesty on the subject.

Was it…

  • When the midwife was wiping my *ss during the birth of our beautiful daughter?
  • During the newborn stage when we were sleep deprived and changing 10+ diapers a day?
  • When our first daughter went through a phase where she would reach into her diaper and smear poop on her sheets?
  • When we potty trained our twenty month old and lost all dignity by referring to ourselves as “Poop Coaches” and offering “Poop Treats?”  FYI Candy canes and popsicles are our aresinel of choice.
  • The first time we sent a text message that included a picture of our child’s “achievement”?  I’m embarrassed to add that these texts have gone to family and friends at times.
  • At a recent dinner party where we conspired with friends to hide Miralax in our children’s sippy cups?

There have been so many defining poop moments, I really can’t say.

baby poop monster kids book
“In the middle of the night you woke me, to let me know you pooped your pants.  I love you to pieces, Beautiful Monster.”  Get your own copy of this honest children’s book!

But the point is, there comes a time in every parent’s life where bowel movements are as common a conversation topic as discussing the weather.

And unfortunately the talk isn’t limited to the four walls of our house anymore.  It’s at daycare, work parties, over a nice glass of wine…not to mention living forever on this blog.

And even for me, someone that lost all discretion awhile ago, a new low was recently achieved.  Yesterday an acquaintance at church casually asked how I was doing.

Without thinking I responded, “Pretty good, but my daughter just had an explosive diaper on my lap.”

I sent that sentence out like it was a  casual text update.  After the words left my mouth, I was instantly remorseful.  I crossed the line.  I dumped my poop talk on someone that was not in the same life stage.  That is how normal poop conversations have become.  I can no longer see the social line until I’ve crossed it.

Forgive me for having limited social graces these days, but parenting young kids has a way of making you feel like a human Kleenex.  I had a shower yesterday morning, but two hours later it felt like it had been a week.  In just a few hours I had been spit up on multiple times, wiped boogers with my sleeve, cleaned out our toddler potty five times, changed a few diapers and a blowout onsie, cleaned up all the dog poop in the yard, and had my two year old’s naked butt sitting on me while I tried to get a home workout in.  None of which was out of the norm.  It was all a typical Sunday.

parenthood is messy

 

I don’t know if there is a point to all this, other than I felt like sharing what was on my mind.  And these days, my mind has gone to mush.  Brown, stinky mush.

Gross.

*********************

Anyone else in that marital stage where you talk as much potty talk as we do?!

Natural Birthing By Modern Women; Share Your Story

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country.  Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and demands intervention.

It is time to share another story. Your Story.

This very minute, eight babies are being born in the U.S. – CDC

That’s almost 11,000 babies per day – yet when is the last time you heard anyone talking about natural childbirth in a positive context?

Mention a natural birth and people look at you like you must have suffered some horrible tragedy, or be some sort of a closet hippie.  But I know that is not your story.  You are an educated, modern woman.

photo cred:  The Art of Unscripted

There is an accepted dialogue around birth in this country.  Birth is scary, painful, unnatural, should unfold in a perfect pattern, and it demands intervention.

That was the message I had received from society, and I accepted it.  Anything less than a doctor, an epidural, and laboring on my back was venturing in to hippie territory.  Until I got pregnant myself. 

The more I learned, the more I felt conflicted.  Everything I thought I knew about birth seemed questionable.  It no longer felt like these accepted interventions were in the best interest of the woman.  It felt like natural child birth should actually be the starting point for the birth discussion, instead of the option viewed as what crazy, uneducated, poverty-stricken, or careless women chose to do.

I’ve had two unmediated, hospital births in the last two years.

Birth Story One

Birth Story Two

Natural birth doesn’t have to be scary or crunchy.

It’s unfortunate that Ina May’s Childbirth book is still one of the only resources being passed around on natural birth.  I love it too, but a book about natural birth on a hippy commune in rural Tennessee isn’t going to resonate with most women.

We need to extend positive birth stories to all women, even those that do not think they want a natural birth.  They should know it is a realistic option.  It is the most noninvasive form of childbirth possible, and allows women to avoid many negative or unnecessary interventions.  It can be very empowering.  Most often it is a healthy and safe option for the mama and her baby.  And, it’s not some reckless, crazy act reserved for those that love self torture.

Today the U.S. cesarean rate is 31.9%.  How has our society convinced women to casually agree to major surgery, without strongly considering that their body is equipped for birth? Medical intervention is an amazing option when needed, but it should not be the norm that women are routinely encouraged toward.

Sharing my experiences will never be enough.  There is power in numbers.

For most women, having their eyes opened to alternative birth options, and believing that they are capable of achieving them, are different.  All of the self-education in the world likely won’t convince a woman that natural birth may be for her.

It’s the stories of women that have achieved a natural birth, and are just like them, that will make them think maybe, just maybe, it’s possible for them too.

All we can do is plant seeds of belief in other women.  If we show them that we have been there and we believe they can do it too, it can make all the difference in their world.

Women need to read many empowering stories to begin to change the birth monologues that society has ingrained in their minds.  By sharing a collaboration of natural birth experiences, we can show women that not all childbirth is the crazy shit show that we been taught to fear.

If you have a passion for sharing this message and have always wanted to see your story published in a best-selling book, this is your chance.

Are you ready to change the message around childbirth?

It’s time to share another story.  Your Story.

The program kicks off in the next thirty days.  Message me for detailsJust put the words:  Natural Birth  – Your Name – Your Email in the message and I’ll get back to you within 24hrs.

You will receive story coaching from an Amazon best-selling author, deadlines to keep you committed, professional editing services, your birth story featured in a book, and marketing materials to share the amazing news that you are now a published author!

I know you have objections, but your story is too important.  Let’s do this together!

**FYI, I am currently closed to submissions at this time.  Please follow the blog for updates on the release of the current book, and when I will be accepting new clients/stories**

Eight Minute Birth; Baby Delivered Faster Than Pizza Hut

Yup, eight minutes after arriving at the nurses station my baby was delivered.  

The scene opens on a seedy nail salon in a strip-mall in Orange County, CA.  It’s the type of nail place you go when you’ve already spent too much money on personal grooming that month, and you need a deal.  Adequate, but so dated that it’s far from a relaxing and luxurious experience.  There is a woman painting my toes and massaging my feet, as I quietly try to breath through contractions without causing a scene.

At this point I am ten days “past due” (my thoughts on that here), and I went to bed the night prior with some minor back pain.  In the morning it was still mild so I spent a few hours working on a children’s book marketing project, making no bake coconut bites, taking a two mile walk, washing and vacuuming the car, and buying a new house plant, before finally heading to the nail salon at 2:30 pm.  By then I had convinced myself that I was likely in labor, but I figured I had plenty of time since the pain was manageable and hadn’t come around to the front of my belly yet – it was still all in my back.

img_2267

So, back at the nail salon…another woman started doing my gel manicure.  I’m pretty sure it must have been her first gel because it took her over an hour.  She kept applying the paint, then wiping it off and starting over.

Mind you, this entire time the back contractions are continuing to intensify.  I was shooting the woman daggers with my eyes, praying she would get it together so I could go home and be miserable in peace.  I finally asked her if she was almost done because I had to go, this baby was coming tonight.  Every ten minutes I was having a thirty second contraction that I had to close my eyes and breath through.

By 4 pm she finally wrapped it up.  I drove myself home and was in the tub by 4:15 pm.  My husband came in to the bathroom to check on me.  I told him what was going on, but figured the contractions needed to get closer together before heading to the hospital.  I was planning another natural birth (read the first birth story here) so the last thing I wanted to do was arrive at the hospital too early.

I reached out to my midwife just to let her know that I thought we would be heading in to the hospital later tonight.  I decided to track the contractions with an app on my phone.  Come to find out, I am a poor counter in pain.  The contractions that I thought were thirty seconds long, were really a minute, every eight to ten minutes apart.

I showered between contractions, while my husband made arrangements for our toddler, and then I decided to go lay in bed.  My poor husband tried to push on my back during a contraction because the counter-pressure during contractions had been really helpful with my first labor.  This time not so much.  Laying down and having someone push on my back was the exact opposite of helpful.  Contractions were lasting about a minute and a half every four to six minutes at that point.  I was almost in tears and snapped at him to stop asking me so many questions!

That was my first cue that we probably needed to head in to the hospital.  That, and the intensity of the contractions were getting to the point where I could no longer quietly breath through them.  I was moaning out in pain.  We headed out to the car for our four mile drive to the hospital.

During the ten minute drive I was alternating between texting my parents who had just arrived at LAX airport an hour away, giving updates to my midwife – contractions were now lasting for one minute – every three minutes, listening to my husband yell at every stop light, and me squeezing my cell phone like a stress ball as I moaned through contractions.  As we rounded the corner by the hospital a very intense contraction got me and I firmly pounded my fist on the car door a few times.  That got both our attention.  This labor had gotten REAL really fast.

Once at the hospital I jumped out of the car while my husband grabbed our bags.  I had to pause at a couch inside the hospital to moan through another contraction.  There was a man and his young son near by and I was trying my best not to be too loud and scare them.  By then my husband caught up with me and was trying to get me to take the elevator up to the birthing level.

“Nope,” I said.  I needed to keep moving.  I had one goal.  Make it to the nurse’s station before the next contraction.

“I’m taking the stairs.”

Thankfully I did, because I literally made it to the nurse’s station, saw my midwife behind the counter and smiled at her, then put my head down telling the triage nurse to talk to my husband for any details she needed.  I started moaning through another contraction, except this time it was different.  I could feel my body start to involuntarily push the baby down.  It was like my body knew I had made it.  I was in the hospital.  My midwife was there.  I was safe.  The time was 6:08 pm.

As soon as my midwife heard the types of sounds I was making, she took over the situation.  She told the nurses to get me a room NOW.  They offered me a chair to wheel me to a room.

“Nope,” I said.  I wanted to walk since I had a break between contractions.

We made it to a room and they had me take off my pants (the comfy Le Tote ones I borrowed), and offered me a hospital gown.

“Nope,” I said.  I didn’t want to feel like a patient.

The nurses told me I could climb up on the bed.

“Nope.”

I was a woman on a mission at that point;  my one and only job was to birth this baby, NOW.

“Hand me those pillows,” I said to the nurse.

That was the last rationale thing I said until my baby arrived.  I proceeded to stand next to the bed, lean over, and bury my face in the pillows while I screamed through each contraction as my body pushed the baby down and out.  I knew I was supposed to be trying to keep my voice low and relaxed, but all I could do was shrill and hang on for the ride.

Some how my husband was able to get the video camera set-up during all this (in case you’re wondering, it’s not a flattering angle).  He then asked the midwife how much time we had before the baby arrived.  She confidently responded, “About two more pushes.”

She was right.  Two pushes later, she and my husband were catching a perfect baby girl.  I laid over the bed panting as if I had just finished a marathon in record time.  They offered to pass the baby through my legs so I could hold her and get up on the bed.  Official time of birth –  6:16 pm.

Yup, eight minutes after arriving at the nurses station.  

after birth love other

I’m not sure if that was a hospital record, but my IRONMAN husband is looking in to it.   He laughs because on the video he says it’s like I have a race high.  I am really excited and can’t stop jabbering with the nurses about what just happened.  In my defense there were a lot of endorphins and hormones rushing through my body at that point.

after birth love

An hour and a half later, the medical staff was finally done prodding my lower half, checking on the baby, and making me answer hospital in-take questions – since we bypassed that last bit on the way in.  As they walked out, my parents arrived from LAX.

mommy and baby meet

After a short visit with my parents, we sent them out to get Pizza Hut, the holy grail of post partum.  The restaurant was located just a mile away, and they were supposed to deliver the pizza to my parents, downstairs at the main entrance of the hospital.  Some how it took over an hour and they ended up delivering the wrong pizza!  I thought about calling to complain, but it was 10 pm and I hadn’t eaten since 1 pm…so obviously I just grumbled about it as I ate three pieces.  The good news was that it bought us a proper moment to meet our baby girl, and finally agree on a name.

Baby Liv Claire Coy entered our world (2.2.18) fast and furious.  A crazy, yet perfect labor and delivery.  Definitely, the most exciting Friday night these parents have had in a long time.

perfect baby girl

I’ve heard second labors are typically about half as long as your first.
In your experience, was your second labor much shorter than your first?

 

Keeping Your Mind From Fearing Birth During Those Final Weeks

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day.  They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward.  That should be illegal.

Watch out!  It’s officially birth month.  Something pretty large is exiting my body soon whether I like it or not.

40wks birth
Insta Photo Cred @mayavorderstrasse

My due date is Jan. 23rd.  So I’m currently 38.5 wks. pregnant.  Some might say baby is due any day.  Which is possible.  But really anytime between Jan. 9th and Feb. 6th should be considered “ordinary” since due dates are an approximation and two weeks “early” or “late” is the normal window in which your body is likely to go in to labor.

In fact, according to Glow’s Nurture Pregnancy App.  95% of babies aren’t born on their due dates.  Just 25% of babies come “early” and 70% of babies come “late.”

So, that said, I am just over here trying to keep my cool and enjoy these final weeks before a tiny dictator becomes the center of my universe.

The last couple of weeks I have shared resources I used to educate myself on birth, why I chose a natural birth, the natural hospital birth story of my first daughter, and today I’m sharing my thoughts on how I’m dealing with the idea of experiencing birth for the second time around – very, very soon.

In reality I am excited and nervous at the same time.  Birth is like a beautiful body and mind *ss kicking that can sneak up on you at any moment.  So psychologically, that’s a blast.

I’ve been trying to stay healthy, positive, and busy to avoid getting stuck in my own head.  Birth will happen in its own time, so in the meantime, here is how I’m keeping my mind from fearing birth during these final weeks…

 

Fearing Birth

 

  • Staying Active:  I don’t feel quite as strong, or as active, as my first pregnancy, but I’m still making a decent effort.  I’m stretching, doing short (15-20 min.) body weight to 10 lb. weight workouts, and walking.  The better shape I keep my body in, the more likely it will be ready to be my teammate in labor.
  • Relaxing:  My bubble bath habits have gotten a bit out of control.  Between finishing our master bath remodel and my baby belly growing much faster this time around, baths happen almost every other night.  I am not a big t.v. watcher, so the tub is likely where you’ll find me after 8 pm.  I also like to get massages.  I didn’t enjoy some of the wimpy prenatal massages I received with the first pregnancy.  So now that I am in the “birth month” window, I feel comfortable getting a firm massage again, with no fear of it setting me in to labor.  At this point, baby is developed.  Plus I feel like this aligns my spine and pelvis, which is helpful for baby’s exit strategy.
  • Checking Things Off My To-Do List:  Some of the things are rational, and I really would like to accomplish them before baby arrives:  washing the infant car seat that have been in the dusty garage for a year, setting up some book marketing efforts for my children’s books that can run in the background, girl time with my friends.  But other silly things just get added on when I start to panic that I will never have free time again – like washing the living room curtains, transplanting my succulents, and filing every piece of paperwork in my house.
  • Adulting – When you start to think about creating new life, you also start thinking about how you need to get your ducks in a row.  With the first baby, our adulting goal was to pay off the remainder of our hefty student loans before our daughter was born.  We managed to pay them off the month she was born, except the joke was on us when her monthly daycare and diaper bills ate up all the money we thought we were going to be savings.  Kids are fun.  This time around, our adulting goal was to write a will.  We managed to finish it, but are waiting to file it until we have a name and birth date for Baby Two.  But, at least we now have it on paper, and know what each of our wishes are, if needed.
  • Filling My Head With Positive Thoughts:  Is child birth going to hurt?  Yup.  Am I going to have to try to push through that to have the birth I want?  Yup.  Is it going to be a walk in the park?  Nope.  And even with my best intentions, plenty of unforeseen things could still come up.  But, having no plan, is like planning to fail.  So, I’m filling my head with positive birth stories through the resources I mentioned here, and leaving the rest to the higher power at be.

I got this mailer from my hospital the other day.  They mention the pampering experience you receive in the Labor and Delivery ward.  That should be illegal.

A Pampering Birth

Unless they now paint my toe nails and tell me I’m pretty during labor, leave chocolates on my pillow during turn down service, and my girly parts feel relaxed and rejuvenated when I go how with my newborn two days later, a pampering experience is a slight overstatement.

I’ll report back in a few weeks and let you know how that pampering experience played out.

***I’M CRACKING MYSELF UP OVER HERE***

 

 

Natural Childbirth Sounds Insane, But You’re Still Curious

Six Resources to Help Consider if Natural Birth is Right for You, or Just for Hippies.

I’m a ticking time bomb over here at 37.5 wks. pregnant with Baby Two.

The first time I gave birth I had to learn a lot about my body.  It was a topic that I had avoided for many years (thirty-three to be exact).  So when I started to even think about natural childbirth, it felt like a bit of an ignorant pipe dream.

Could I?  Should I?  Why would I want to endure that?  Do modern women really chose such a barbaric option, or is that just for gypsy women with no health insurance?

 

First hour of life, natural birth
First Hour of Life

If you find yourself asking any of these questions, but are still intrigued whether you could achieve your own natural childbirth, we are going to first start by opening your mind to the possibility.

This post is part of a multi-post series on my experience with natural childbirth (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added):  resources I found to open my mind to the possibility, the benefits I found in favor of it, actually experiencing it with Baby One, and trying to wrap my mind around the idea of doing it again with Baby Two.

Your mind is incredibly powerful.  It will greatly help or hinder you during childbirth.   For that reason, we will start there.

Here is a list of the best resources I found to help consider a natural childbirth, and if the possibility was really for me.

Natural Childbirth, is it right for you

  1.  Book – Expecting Better – This book is a great place to start, natural birth or not.  It helps you to better understand all the “advice” (like “Don’t eat cold cuts”, “Don’t sleep on your back”, “You need a c-section if you had one before”, etc.) we receive as pregnant women, so that you can make educated decisions for yourself based on actual statistics.
  2. Movie – The Business of Being Born – you can find it for free on YouTube.  The documentary shares the opinions of doctors that are for and against births by midwife.  You get to see what natural childbirth looks like, something most women have never seen:  minimal intervention, not hooked up to an I.V., fetal monitor, catheter, and epidural.  Painful, intense, beautiful, and empowering,  There is even a story of one woman that planned to have a natural birth but ended up in the hospital because of complications with her baby.  It reminded me that I feel blessed to have the option of western medicine, when necessary, to support my birth wishes.
  3. Hire a Midwife – I liked my OB-GYN, but at 32 wks. pregnant I finally decided that if I wanted to try for a natural birth, a midwife was my best bet.  OB-GYN’s are trained in all the ways to intervene during childbirth.  Most have had minimal experience with a natural childbirth.  I thought, if it it foreign to them, how are they going to keep me calm and reassure me that everything is normal?  I found a midwife that was approved to deliver at the hospital I planned to deliver at.  I decided to meet with her, and was impressed how much we discussed the mental side of childbirth and what kind of experience I wanted.  There were far fewer rules about how things had to progress.  It was about letting my baby and body do their job, and my midwife would be there to coach me through it all.
  4. Book – Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth – This book is divided in to two parts.  The first part is natural birth stories.  The second part is observations from Midwives that live on a farm in Tennessee and have attended thousands of natural births.  I didn’t have you start here, because the book is pretty hippy, but awesome, once your mind is ready for it.  Please do not skip this resource if you are considering natural birth.  You will gain an entirely new perspective on birth from what our western culture teaches.  Plus, Ina has a bit of a sense of humor, “There is no other organ quite like the uterus.  If men had such an organ, they would brag about it.  So should we.”
  5. Positive Affirmations – Birth will be an experience like no other.  Give yourself the best possible chance of dealing with it by having a phrase or two that you can repeat when you start to doubt yourself.  For the first birth, mine was something along the lines of: You are strong, capable, and safe.  Your body was meant for this.  A similar one that I found for birth two is: Your body is not a lemon.  The Creator is not careless.  Your body was made to give birth.

That’s a lot of homework right there.  But you’ve got time.  Start with one or two of resources and see if you are still interested.  Or just come back to this blog for part two:  The Cliff Notes Version of Why I Decided on a Natural Birth (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added).

Have you checked out the recent release of my second children’s book?  My Mom is the Worst is available now!

If you have a positive affirmation you plan to use for childbirth, please share it in the comments.