advice – Page 3 – My Mom is the Worst

Natural Childbirth Sounds Insane, But You’re Still Curious

Six Resources to Help Consider if Natural Birth is Right for You, or Just for Hippies.

I’m a ticking time bomb over here at 37.5 wks. pregnant with Baby Two.

The first time I gave birth I had to learn a lot about my body. It was a topic that I had avoided for many years (thirty-three to be exact). So when I started to even think about natural childbirth, it felt like a bit of an ignorant pipe dream.

Could I? Should I? Why would I want to endure that? Do modern women really chose such a barbaric option, or is that just for gypsy women with no health insurance?

First hour of life, natural birth — First Hour of Life

If you find yourself asking any of these questions, but are still intrigued whether you could achieve your own natural childbirth, we are going to first start by opening your mind to the possibility.

This post is part of a multi-post series on my experience with natural childbirth (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added): resources I found to open my mind to the possibility, the benefits I found in favor of it, actually experiencing it with Baby One, and trying to wrap my mind around the idea of doing it again with Baby Two.

Your mind is incredibly powerful. It will greatly help or hinder you during childbirth. For that reason, we will start there.

Here is a list of the best resources I found to help consider a natural childbirth, and if the possibility was really for me.

Natural Childbirth, is it right for you

Book – Expecting Better – This book is a great place to start, natural birth or not. It helps you to better understand all the “advice” (like “Don’t eat cold cuts”, “Don’t sleep on your back”, “You need a c-section if you had one before”, etc.) we receive as pregnant women, so that you can make educated decisions for yourself based on actual statistics.
Movie – The Business of Being Born – you can find it for free on YouTube. The documentary shares the opinions of doctors that are for and against births by midwife. You get to see what natural childbirth looks like, something most women have never seen: minimal intervention, not hooked up to an I.V., fetal monitor, catheter, and epidural. Painful, intense, beautiful, and empowering, There is even a story of one woman that planned to have a natural birth but ended up in the hospital because of complications with her baby. It reminded me that I feel blessed to have the option of western medicine, when necessary, to support my birth wishes.
Hire a Midwife – I liked my OB-GYN, but at 32 wks. pregnant I finally decided that if I wanted to try for a natural birth, a midwife was my best bet. OB-GYN’s are trained in all the ways to intervene during childbirth. Most have had minimal experience with a natural childbirth. I thought, if it it foreign to them, how are they going to keep me calm and reassure me that everything is normal? I found a midwife that was approved to deliver at the hospital I planned to deliver at. I decided to meet with her, and was impressed how much we discussed the mental side of childbirth and what kind of experience I wanted. There were far fewer rules about how things had to progress. It was about letting my baby and body do their job, and my midwife would be there to coach me through it all.
Book – Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth – This book is divided in to two parts. The first part is natural birth stories. The second part is observations from Midwives that live on a farm in Tennessee and have attended thousands of natural births. I didn’t have you start here, because the book is pretty hippy, but awesome, once your mind is ready for it. Please do not skip this resource if you are considering natural birth. You will gain an entirely new perspective on birth from what our western culture teaches. Plus, Ina has a bit of a sense of humor, “There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ, they would brag about it. So should we.”
Positive Affirmations – Birth will be an experience like no other. Give yourself the best possible chance of dealing with it by having a phrase or two that you can repeat when you start to doubt yourself. For the first birth, mine was something along the lines of: You are strong, capable, and safe. Your body was meant for this. A similar one that I found for birth two is: Your body is not a lemon. The Creator is not careless. Your body was made to give birth.

That’s a lot of homework right there. But you’ve got time. Start with one or two of resources and see if you are still interested. Or just come back to this blog for part two: The Cliff Notes Version of Why I Decided on a Natural Birth (Sign up to follow the blog and you will get an alert when the rest of the series is added).

Have you checked out the recent release of my second children’s book? My Mom is the Worst is available now!

If you have a positive affirmation you plan to use for childbirth, please share it in the comments.

Twenty Two Meals and a Bottle of Rum

So instead of European vacations or a trip home for the holidays, I scheduled some other fun activities.

Various doctors appointments. Finally sitting down to write our Will. Cooking over twenty freezer meals before Baby Two disrupts our routine.

I clearly know how to keep a marriage hot.

My husband had the week between Christmas and New Years off. The younger versions of us would have never let this week pass us by without making some amazing travel plans. The current versions of us let finances, toddlers, and the third trimester of pregnancy get in the way. Lame excuses. I know.

So instead of European vacations or a trip home for the holidays, I scheduled some other fun activities.

Various doctors appointments. Finally sitting down to write our Will. Cooking over twenty freezer meals before Baby Two disrupts our routine.

I clearly know how to keep a marriage hot.

We did the freezer meals before Wynn was born and it turned out to be a life saver for us. There was already going to be plenty of chaos in our house as first time parents of a newborn, and typically we cook a hot breakfast daily, and 5-6 dinners a week.

There was no way that was going to happen those first few months, so being able to pull out a meal from the freezer was one very appreciated amenity. Between a tired mama, and a crying newborn, nothing good happens in the kitchen. We would have ended up eating Chipotle or Pizza Hut every night, which contrary to what some of you believe, probably isn’t the best idea.

Actually, it could have been even worse than that.

We could have reverted back to our early marriage days where lean pockets and ramen noodles were considered full meals. You can read about the entire ridiculous year we spent learning to cook here. Expect to read lots of embarrassing stories and many, many typos. You’ve been warned.

You don’t have to be pregnant to benefit from stocking your freezer with meals. This is great for all of us with a busy life.

Here is the game plan we used to stock our freezer with 22 meals (88 servings). I recommend spreading the tasks over three days so that you don’t overwhelm yourself:

Day One (30 min/1 person): Gather recipes on Pinterest for freezer meals. I actually had these saved on my computer from last time we stocked the freezer. We chose 11 different recipes and planned to make two batches of each recipe.
Day One Cont. (30 min/1 person): Create a master shopping list, organized by the section of the store the ingredients would be found in: meat, produce, canned goods, etc. Make sure to double ingredients if you plan to make multiple of the same meal.
Day Two (1 hr/1 person): Go grocery shopping. I went to two stores, Grocery Outlet and Ralphs, and spent $230 ($2.61 per serving). The most expensive part was that we chose to buy organic meat and ingredients when possible. It adds up, but organic meat is important to us, especially when I will be nursing and passing everything along to my young baby.
Day Three (3 hrs/2 ppl. steps 4-7): Label all the freezer bags with date/recipe name/servings/and cooking day instructions.
Put all the meat in the bags so that you only have to touch meat once before moving on to other ingredients.
Recipe by recipe add remaining ingredients. It’s great to have one person reading the recipe and adding the dry ingredients while the other person is chopping the fresh ingredients. Lay each bag flat in the freezer, and stack them on top of each other to save space.
Clean up.

For a price, there are sites out there that will email you a monthly menu, shopping list, prep instructions, and bag labels. Once a Month Cooking is one that I have used a free sample menu from in the past. But I also enjoy finding recipes of my own that I know my family will eat.

If you looked in our freezer on a typical day, it’s freakishly barren. To the point you might feel bad for us. A few mini bottles of airplane booze and an ice pack. But now it is completely stocked. We look like a real American family, with the status symbol of abundance, the ‘overflowing freezer’.

I’m Begging, Stop Stressing Over Your Toddler’s Christmas

Christmas with young kids really does provide an opportunity for a low-key, joy-filled time of year. But as parents we make it complicated.

My daughter will be (almost) two this Christmas. This is a magical time.

*The Elf on the Shelf does not exist yet, HOORAY!*

I’m still debating if I can bypass that all together.

*She does not care about the cost, or size, of presents. Though, there are bonus points if the present comes with bubble wrap to pop.*

*And she is content to read the Christmas Story of Baby Jesus night after night.*

Christmas with young kids really does provide an opportunity for a low-key, joy-filled time of year. But as parents we make it complicated. We have this guilt if the holidays are too simple. Like if it’s easy, we are some how letting our kids down. We HAVE to be all stressed out like all the other parents, or we must be doing it wrong.

WRONG. Stop it, just stop it. It’s not true.

Let me expose my “low-bar” holiday excitement, in hopes that it will let other parents see that it’s ok to keep it simple.

—-

This here is the FREE Santa.

FreeSanta

Last year we took her to the mall for photos with Santa. I was shocked to find out that they wouldn’t let you snap a few pics with your own camera. The cheapest option was a $30 digital file of the photos they took. Honestly, if it weren’t for my husband, we would have left with zero photos. Thirty dollars?! That’s a whole lot of Christmas cookies for Santa!

So this year I did a little research. There was a free Santa at the local garden store. You could take all your own pictures. There was also a photographer there selling pictures, but it was optional.

Yes, they were still thirty dollars. Apparently that is the going rate for Santa pics in Orange County. But we were happy with the pictures we took on our own camera, and our daughter was delighted when Santa gave her a Christmas bell. She has been playing with that free “magic reindeer bell” for days!

——

You know what I’m most excited to give my child this year? Two white, ceramic bunnies. I found them in the Target Dollar Spot.

targetdollarspotbunnies

They are essentially glorified yard ornaments, and I can’t wait to see my daughter’s face when she opens them and starts petting them, and talking to them, like they are her new BFF’s. You see, every time we walk the neighborhood, she stops to talk to all of our neighbor’s yard trinkets…bunnies, snails, ducks, cats, gnomes. *Spoiler* That is how you know you don’t live in the young, hip ‘hood, when ALL your neighbors have yard ornaments. But my daughter loves them!

InkedPop Pop —-

The other thing she is sure to go wild for is the popcorn in her stocking. Pop Pop is her jam!

Sure, there are other things under the tree this year. Honestly mostly from family. We are grateful to have generous people in her life. But on our end, we really did limit things to just a few gifts. Three fun things, two needs things, and a book.

If you haven’t added a few books under the tree yet, check these out.

Young kids truly love simple pleasures. I assume this period only lasts for so long, so I’m not going to feel any guilt about embracing it while I can. Don’t burden yourself with other parents false expectations that the holidays must be stressful. It’s ok to set that bar low. Your child won’t notice what they didn’t get. What they will enjoy is that you are more happy when you are spending time with them.

Inkedbunnies — Those are the bunnies. Take a moment to admire my fancy wrap job. Ok, now I just feel like you are laughing at me.

If you still need a good laugh to help alleviate the stress, try writing “From: Mom and Dad” on a gift without feeling old. That one about blew my mind when I was wrapping presents.

OMG, we are THE Mom and Dad. Um, When did that happen? Did anyone approve this?

If I Mention Another Craft, Please Intervene

we tell ourselves it’s cool because it’s handmade. But the truth is, it’s only cool if it comes out looking like the Pottery Barn version of “handmade.”

Holiday crafting brings out the Grinch in me. It’s like normal crafting but on crack. You need your craftiness to be on perfect point because it’s what you are giving someone as a gift, instead of paying full price for something else. And we tell ourselves it’s cool because it’s handmade. But the truth is, it’s only cool if it comes out looking like the Pottery Barn version of “handmade.” Which is so not actually handmade.

In general I like to think that I have gotten better about knowing my limits and saying no to most crafts. In my experience they tend to cost more time, energy, and frustration, then they make up for in cost savings.

In fact, just last week I was on Pinterest and saw instructions for a Felt Christmas Tree for toddlers to decorate. It looked totally easy. All I needed was a bunch of colored felt, scissors, and a totally free Saturday to design all the little ornaments. I honestly considered it for like two hours.

Then I saw it on Amazon for twenty bucks with free shipping and I was quickly over crafting it. (Find the tree here, along with my children’s book, to keep your toddler busy for at least forty five minutes;).

So this year I told myself I was saying No to Christmas crafts, and the stress that comes along with them.

But then I went down a rabbit hole. I read a friend’s post called Thirty DIY Christmas Gifts, and fell in love with some adorable antique framed chalkboards. But alas, I had promised myself I wasn’t going to stress over Christmas crafts!

Fast forward two days and I’m standing in the aisle of a discount store, eyes locked on the perfect antique mirrors for only five bucks! All I needed was a little chalkboard paint (which I already had). It was meant to be. This was going to be SO EASY! Right there I abandoned all my rational thoughts and gleefully loaded up my cart with four mirrors.

This proceeded to kick off an If You Give a Mouse a Cookie scenario.

Turns out I didn’t like the finish on the chalkboard paint I had. Too glossy. Back to the store.

Then I didn’t like the texture that my paint brush was creating in the paint. What I obviously needed were those foam paint brushes. Back to the store.

I went to peel the painters tape off the first mirror and huge chunks of chalkboard paint came off with it. WTF. Now I need to return the extra mirrors, the cute red pompom chalk board erasers, and the decorative chalk bags I found, because I was furious and decided to abandon this horrible craft idea. Back to the store.

In the end I turned out ONE finished antique chalkboard. It’s sitting at my house, where it will remain, because I am too embarrassed to give it away to anyone because of all its crafting imperfections.

If time is money, this damn chalkboard cost me way more than any Pottery Barn version!

I will admit that I did have one craft success. It involved buying something that was already adorable and finished, and then personalizing it with a gold paint pen. Turns out, that I can handle.

Now excuse me while I head back to the store to find the actual gifts I will be giving this year.

If You Want to Comment on A Baby Bump, Here are the Rules

Thanks for commenting on my body’s beach ball similarity, said no pregnant woman ever. I just left shaking my head.

FullSizeRender (1) — Photo Cred: @hegehost1

Sure, I’m emotional. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with baby two. I’m at the point where my tears have few limits while scrolling through social media. Puppies – blub. Babies – Blub. Blub. Inspirational stories – Blub, blub, blub.

So it’s no surprise I was extra annoyed by the Ralphs cashier yesterday. But some people really are so clueless when it comes to how to talk to a pregnant woman. That, or they like to compare everything about their birth experience to the experience you must be having, because you know, every pregnancy is the same.

As the cashier was ringing up my bounty, she asked, “So when are you due?”

I smiled and replied, “January.”

“Oh wow, you look like you are ready to go now. That’s what I looked like when I gave birth!”

Seriously – Are some people just unaware of the vomit they are about to spew when they open their mouth?! I’ve gained a total of 22 lbs., which mind you is already more than I gained in total with my first pregnancy (so I’m a bit self concise), but honestly, I didn’t think it was totally out of control…until now.

The grocery store train wreck didn’t end there. She declared, “Early January, I hope!”

“Actually January 23rd,” I mumbled.

She didn’t even pause, as if she had noticed how awkward the conversation had become. Biggest eye roll ever.

Thanks for commenting on my body’s beach ball similarity, said no pregnant woman ever. I just left shaking my head.

I’m not suggesting you walk on pins and needles around every obviously pregnant woman. Just please stop to think of something positive and uplifting to say before you open your mouth.

Pregnant mamas have a lot on their mind. They probably haven’t had comfortable sleep in awhile, they may feel like they are running out of acceptable clothes that fit, and they’re probably starting to think about this gigantic watermelon that soon has to exit their perfect peach.

After two pregnancies, the grocery store conversation was obviously not the only clueless run in I had. Here are a few things I’ve heard that I wouldn’t recommend using as your one liner:

“Is it really safe to be running while you are pregnant?”

“You wanted that decaf right?”

A coworker who said, “Your pregnancy has been way to easy, something bad has got to happen.”

A cousin who said, “Why would you want a natural birth? You wouldn’t get your tooth removed without pain meds. Why would you do it with a baby?”

“You look like you’re ready to Pop!”

Obviously none of these made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Thankfully, I’ve had some positive interactions that have taught me what can really make a pregnant woman’s day. Here are a few:

“Wow, that’s awesome that you are still working out!”

“From behind you don’t even look pregnant.”

A coworker that wished me a quick and easy delivery.

An aunt who said, “I honestly believe you are strong enough to achieve a natural birth.”

A guy who simply clapped for me when I ran by him on the trail.

Strangers that held the door open, or offered to carry things for me.

Pregnancy and childbirth can be a real mind f*ck for a woman. Please don’t traumatize her with negativity. Heed the old advice: If you can’t say something nice, please don’t say anything at all. We really don’t want to hear it.