Tag: Dad

A Shout-Out to the ‘All-in’ Dads

Parenting doesn’t have to be attached to gender roles. Thankfully, it can be a team sport where we back each other up and fill in each other’s gaps.

To the ‘All-in’ Dads out there, we see you.

The Dads that…
Wake up at 4a.m. to console tears, make scrambled eggs for breakfast, pick out twinning shoes for them and their mini-me, make homemade baby food and pack lunches, braid hair and brush teeth, do the daycare/school drop-off, go to work, handle doctors appointments on lunch breaks, always carry the diaper bag, cheerlead at swim lessons and send photos from soccer practice, clean up vomit and pee sheets, make the best forts and sidewalk chalk art, get silly dancing in the kitchen with their little fam, and then wrap up the day with a bedtime routine that includes story-time character voices, laughter, lullabies, and back scratches.

johnlegandIG
Photo Credit: @Johnlegend Instagram

But even so, sometimes Dads get shorted just because they’re not Moms. Like a Dad’s contribution to his children is less significant because he doesn’t ‘do it all,’ and ‘needs the Mom.’

Sure, they didn’t carry their children inside them for nine months, or experience breastfeeding firsthand, but the longer women hold on to the idea that they are the one-and-only capable caregiver, the longer they belittle a Dad’s amazing assistance.

Ideally, no parent should be expected to have to do it on their own. Plenty of Dads totally step-up it when it comes to parenting these days, and spoiler – they are making Moms’ lives easier too.

dad reading to kids, best dad ever

Parenting doesn’t have to be locked to gender roles, especially in homes where both parents work. Thankfully, it can be a team sport where we back each other up and fill in each other’s gaps.

It’s about knowing each-other’s parenting strengths, joys, and weaknesses. But beyond that, it’s about stepping up as-needed for the good of our families.

therock3
Photo Credit: @therock Instagram

‘All in’ Dads, we see you going to bed satisfied and exhausted from killing this fatherhood thing all day.

We are lucky to have you, we appreciate the help you provide, and your children are better off by the fatherhood examples you set every day.

In short, thank you.

 

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Failing and Laughing, Learning to be a New Parent

It was like my little human had turned in to a boss I couldn’t please, always yelling, “FASTER!” or “Not good enough Mama.”

 

bmpicFrom the moment I came home from the hospital, I felt like something was missing.

I was given a perfect little human, but no extra set of hands. And my perfect little human wanted to be held ALL THE TIME.

It didn’t take long before the resentment crept in. All I wanted was to take a shower, clean-up, cook something, rest.  But now I wasn’t even capable of brushing my teeth without getting screamed at.  It was like my little human had turned in to a boss I couldn’t please, always yelling, “FASTER!”  or “Not good enough Mama.”

Just a few weeks prior I was a highly functioning adult in the corporate world, making things happen. Now remedial tasks were crippling.

This drove my sleep deprived self in to a crazy self-loathing state. I like to say I wasn’t fully depressed because I didn’t take drugs to heal it, but that was a lie I used to try to feel better about myself.  I felt bad for not getting anything done.  And I felt incapable of managing things I used to do with ease.

Very slowly I did adjust to my new world and I started to enjoy Motherhood more. I still didn’t love myself, and all my new glaring inabilities, but the never-ending love I felt for my baby was there.

And one day, when my perfect human was about three months old, I got the blessing of her falling asleep in the car at the gas station. I finally had two hands free.  I was instantly inspired.  My brain felt so clear and focused for the first time in forever.

I began to jot down the parental tale that had been swarming around in my head since my human arrived.

“Every day you make me crazy. I love you to pieces Beautiful Monster.”

The rest of the story just flowed from there.

She even slept long enough for me to sketch out a picture of a little monster.

That night I shared the story with my husband. He lovingly said I should publish it.  It could have been an encouraging yet fleeting comment, but I decided he was right.

How many other new parents were feeling like we were? How many people were sharing social media posts of their perfect little humans and secretly feeling inadequate and confused behind the scenes?  How many new parents were feeling bad because they thought they must be strange for feeling completely frustrated by their perfect little human?

JK Coy

Love You to Pieces, Beautiful Monster is an inclusive tale for new parents (or soon to be parents).  No one should feel alone as they adjust to parenthood.  The book is full of truth, humor, and adorable illustrations to entertain those little monsters.  Get it for yourself, gift it to a friend.

We are all in this together. Figuring it out, minute by minute.  Failing, and trying again.

See all the books by author J.K. Coy here.