Sure, I’m emotional. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with baby two. I’m at the point where my tears have few limits while scrolling through social media. Puppies – blub. Babies – Blub. Blub. Inspirational stories – Blub, blub, blub.
So it’s no surprise I was extra annoyed by the Ralphs cashier yesterday. But some people really are so clueless when it comes to how to talk to a pregnant woman. That, or they like to compare everything about their birth experience to the experience you must be having, because you know, every pregnancy is the same.
As the cashier was ringing up my bounty, she asked, “So when are you due?”
I smiled and replied, “January.”
“Oh wow, you look like you are ready to go now. That’s what I looked like when I gave birth!”
Seriously – Are some people just unaware of the vomit they are about to spew when they open their mouth?! I’ve gained a total of 22 lbs., which mind you is already more than I gained in total with my first pregnancy (so I’m a bit self concise), but honestly, I didn’t think it was totally out of control…until now.
The grocery store train wreck didn’t end there. She declared, “Early January, I hope!”
“Actually January 23rd,” I mumbled.
She didn’t even pause, as if she had noticed how awkward the conversation had become. Biggest eye roll ever.
Thanks for commenting on my body’s beach ball similarity, said no pregnant woman ever. I just left shaking my head.
I’m not suggesting you walk on pins and needles around every obviously pregnant woman. Just please stop to think of something positive and uplifting to say before you open your mouth.
Pregnant mamas have a lot on their mind. They probably haven’t had comfortable sleep in awhile, they may feel like they are running out of acceptable clothes that fit, and they’re probably starting to think about this gigantic watermelon that soon has to exit their perfect peach.
After two pregnancies, the grocery store conversation was obviously not the only clueless run in I had. Here are a few things I’ve heard that I wouldn’t recommend using as your one liner:
“Is it really safe to be running while you are pregnant?”
“You wanted that decaf right?”
A coworker who said, “Your pregnancy has been way to easy, something bad has got to happen.”
A cousin who said, “Why would you want a natural birth? You wouldn’t get your tooth removed without pain meds. Why would you do it with a baby?”
“You look like you’re ready to Pop!”
Obviously none of these made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Thankfully, I’ve had some positive interactions that have taught me what can really make a pregnant woman’s day. Here are a few:
“Wow, that’s awesome that you are still working out!”
“From behind you don’t even look pregnant.”
A coworker that wished me a quick and easy delivery.
An aunt who said, “I honestly believe you are strong enough to achieve a natural birth.”
A guy who simply clapped for me when I ran by him on the trail.
Strangers that held the door open, or offered to carry things for me.
Pregnancy and childbirth can be a real mind f*ck for a woman. Please don’t traumatize her with negativity. Heed the old advice: If you can’t say something nice, please don’t say anything at all. We really don’t want to hear it.
My Mom is the Worst 
It s time to flip the dialogue The thing about bump shaming is that most of us probably don t realise we re doing it. While you might think your, Wow, look how big you ve gotten! comments are well-meaning, it might not be received with the same enthusiasm.
LikeLike
I had to stoop down and put my face a few inches from her baby-full tummy in order to read her name badge. (I am somewhat visually impaired.) I got her name (she already had mine), and since we seemed to be on a friendly basis, I smilingly said “I like your tummy!” She knew that I’m a high school biology teacher, and might have assumed, correctly, that I talk about reproductive biology all the time. Well, turns out that this comment made her VERY uncomfortable. Or was it the way I read her badge? – well, she said it was the comment, in her complaint to the school district which started the investigation. I’m very sorry I made that comment now, very sorry to have caused any discomfort. Sometimes there’s a good reason to cause discomfort, but there wasn’t any reason here. I wonder if “I like your tummy” is a generally offensive thing to say, to a person whose tummy is temporarily unusual in a very normal and healthy way. (Working at high schools over the past 2.5 months, I have seen literally thousands of young women displaying their bare tummies all day long, as if inviting compliments. Of course I never mention or look at these.) So I am surprised that my words offended. Essentially, I was just congratulating the woman for her about-to-be-mommyhood – a happy thing, I supposed. Anyway, I’m sorry.
LikeLike